Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, May 2, 1993 TAG: 9305030249
SECTION: VIRGINIA PAGE: D-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: MARY BISHOP STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
A fresh, sticky Dunkin Donuts coffee roll.
Gobbled behind the steering wheel, it laid a soft cushion in the belly for the firing squad ahead.
Assignment: the 1993 Virginia Championship Chili Cookoff, down on the teeming, steaming Roanoke City Market.
But first, the West End May Fest on Patterson Avenue Southwest, and:
A sweet potato pie, and a sun-hot, saliva-triggering honey round.
Just right for watching community activist Ren Heard's technicolor clown wig fly off as he hit ice-cold water in the dunking booth. (He wore a wet suit under his clothes.)
Then, down on the Market, first there was:
About a heel-full of Boot Scootin' Chili.
The grossest thing in it? "You don't want to know," says a cook. Greasy red stains begin appearing on the reporter's notebook, even before:
A teeny-weeny barrel of Toxic Waste Chili.
Hot, hot, hot. A bean-stirrer holds up an old mayonnaise jar of a sandy-looking chili powder. He won't divulge more. We move on to:
A tiny tub of Gaseous Clay Chili, just bubbling to be the greatest.
Far as we could determine, it doesn't employ some of our fine Roanoke River mud, but plays on the name of Cassius Clay, Muhammad Ali's old moniker.
Gaseous chefs promised chili-swillers, "We'll make you float like a butterfly . . . ." Well, you know the rest.
Chief chef Jim Cowell, with a phony, smudged black eye, says only that he roasts his cumin seeds.
Moving along, the Roanoke Symphony is tuning up its:
Chili Concerto, laced with black olives, balsamic vinegar, and Lord knows what all.
First it's sweet, then - boom - a fiery kick in the old kettle drum.
The stomach churns, but still, it'll accept:
We B Chili, with sinister bottles nearby of stuff like Satan's Revenge, with molasses and "exotic spices" in it.
"You've got to leave it a year before you can open it, so it can ferment," brags a chili-meister.
Hot sauce labels are enterprising art. They also may be an unnoticed cause of concern for satan-fearers. There's Satan's Revenge, Hot as Hell sauce, Hotter 'n Hell sauce . . .
For all the scary bottles and the tourist-freakout cans of possum meat lurking about, much of this chow is tame. "Aw, it looks good on the counter," sauce-speckled cook Dave Rowland confesses. Really, he puts turkey and low-cholesterol stuff in his.
Nothing so respectable is claimed about:
White Knuckle Chili, made by Harley-Davidson motorcycle lovers claiming to drain motor oil into the pot.
The motor oil "makes it slide right down," they say. It does, too.
And now it's time for:
A Diet Pepsi.
Because the Grateful Red chili isn't ready. But there, stretched out for me, is an itty-bitty bowl of:
Doc J's Feels-Good Chili, with possible ingredients Bat's Brew, Ass Kickin' Hot Sauce, and Habanero Pepper Paste.
"On a scale of one to 10, a jalepeno's a 2; a Habanero's a 15," says Jim Hedrick.
In quick succession, before heading to the newsroom:
Talking Chili, with fajita seasoning from San Antonio.
And then:
Natural Bridge Tenders Chili, with cinnamon.
But none of that chili is the champion.
Virginia's best, as determined by Saturday's judges, was something called Macktown Chili made by Jim Weller, of Bloomfield Hills, Mich. He'll represent Virginia in the world chili cookoff in Reno, Nev., in October. With 51 contestants from 10 states, the cookoff had the biggest field in its history.
Back to the office, for some real food from the vending machine:
Grandma's Grab Cookie Bits/ Peanut Butter Sandwich Cremes.
And:
Bamby Creme-Filled Sno-Balls (Sugar, thiamine mononitrate, whey, modified food starch, soy flour, locust bean gum . . . .)
And it's not even dinnertime yet.
CHILI CHAMPS\ AWARDS AT THE 1993 VIRGINIA CHAMPIONSHIP CHILI COOKOFF\ \ 1st PLACE: Jim Weller, Bloomfield Hills, Mich., Macktown Chili.\ 2nd PLACE: Pat Lundy, Statesville, N.C., Pat's Comanchero Chili.\ 3rd PLACE: Sergei Kowalchik, Virginia Beach, Out of This World Chili.\ 4th PLACE: Cy Gross, New York, N.Y., City Slickers Chili.\ 5th PLACE: Patsy Wooden, Vienna, Va., Filly Chili.\ PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARD: Ted Ditillo, Roanoke, H.O.G. Chili.\ SHOWMANSHIP and BEST BOOTH: Sandra Saunders, Roanoke Valley Shag Club Chili.
930502 CHILI STORY #28273 TOPIC KEYWORDTOID DESK AUTHOR:MILTEER05/02/93 gibbons \ D4 CHILI 'TOID CHILI CHAMPS AWARDS AT THE 1993 VIRGINIA CHAMPIONSHIP CHILI C
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