Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: THURSDAY, May 6, 1993 TAG: 9305060361
SECTION: NEIGHBORS PAGE: S-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BETSY BIESENBACH STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
One thing they all have in common, however, is their modest insistence that someone else would be more worthy of the honor.
"Why should you get an award for something you really like to do?" wondered Patricia Baker, Mother of the Year for Religious Activities.
"I started to cry," said Mary Hackley, Mother of the Year for Education. "I couldn't believe my son had done it."
"I always perceived the Mother of the Year as having lots of children," laughed Linda Markham, Mother of the Year for Business and Professions, who is the mother of one daughter. "It's a blessing I never dreamed would happen."
Each year, the Credit Marketing and Management Association selects six women as Mothers of the Year. A committee picks winners based on letters submitted by the families and friends of nominees.
The death of a child often turns people away from their beliefs. For Patricia Baker, that experience strengthened her faith.
Baker, who gives her age as "over the hill," devotes her time to working with young people at Sweet Union Baptist Church, where she is superintendent of the Sunday school and teaches a beginners class. A member for 20 years, she sings in a choir and is on the senior usher board, among other activities.
"It's like a family," she said. Her work "is a way to pay back the things they have given to me."
Her faith saw her through when her son, Freddy Jr., 2, died in a hit-and-run accident 20 years ago.
Baker and her husband, Freddy Sr., thought they would never have more children and that their daughter, Lori, now 30, would grow up an only child. So they were surprised and pleased when Sheyonn, now 18, and Bernard, 12, came along.
In working with the children of her church, Baker tries to make things fun - arranging trips to amusement parks, boating excursions, hikes and sleep-overs.
"I want them to know they can do the fun things in church," she said. "Children are looking for something. If they don't know what religion is, they don't have anything to offer anyone else."
In her nominating letter, friend Magnolia Irving said Baker "has a sweet spirit that carries over into her work and her everyday living."
After working several years as a nurse and helping to put Freddy Sr. through college, Baker returned to school herself and earned a bachelor of science degree. She now is a registered nurse in psychiatry and has worked at the Veteran's Affairs Medical Center for 20 years.
By furthering their education, the Bakers set an example for the children. Lori, a graduate of Howard University, now lives in New York and works for the MTV network.
Sheyonn is enrolled in Clark University in Atlanta, and Bernard is an honor student at James Madison Magnet Middle School, where Baker is a volunteer coordinator.
She also is a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority.
Despite the painful events in her life, "God has been good to me," Baker said. "I love my family, I love my church, and I love my work."
For the children and grandchildren of Harriet Davidson, Mother of the Year for Family Life, their most memorable experience in family bonding was the time everyone pitched in to peel 100 pounds of shrimp for Affair in the Square, Center in the Square's fund-raiser.
Although grandson Lewis, 16, referred to it as "family bondage," his mother and aunt said none of Davidson the children really seemed to mind.
When the clan members get together, they make quite a crowd, talking and playing games.
There's Davidson, 67, and her husband, Sig, who is retired from the family business, Davidsons men's clothing stores. Davidson helped out there when needed.
Daughter Bonnie, her husband, Alan, and their two daughters - Jennifer and Rebecca - live in Maryland. But sons Larry and Steve and their wives, Jane and Sherry, and children - Lewis, Douglas, Micah, Tiffany, and Samantha, or "Sam," as she prefers to be called - all live close by.
In her nominating letter, Sherry calls Davidson "the glue that holds the family together." She is always doing things for other family members and planning activities. Both daughters-in-law consider her a friend.
"She is special because she gives me presents even if is not my birthday or Hanukkah," wrote Sam, 6.
But Davidson does have her limits. A childhood friend of Steve's nicknamed her "H-Bomb," after seeing what happens when she is pushed too far.
"She was practicing tough love in her own way before anyone started calling it that," Steve wrote.
Steve said he and his siblings get along well without getting overly involved in each other's lives, and although Davidson said her children frequently ask for her advice, "I don't try to tell them what to do."
All three generations of the family were honored with this year's Perry Kendig Award for Volunteer Services in the Arts, which usually is given to an individual.
Davidson is involved in community affairs and was one of the first women in the valley to join the Big Sisters program. Her little sister, a Cuban refugee, still keeps in touch more than 25 years later.
Because of her belief in strong families, her work with Planned Parenthood is especially important.
"Planned Parenthood is just what it says," she said. For a woman to be a parent when she's not ready "is a terrible tragedy." Besides being a center for women's health, she said, "it's a place where young people can go to learn how not to be pregnant."
Barbara Duerk, Mother of the Year for Community Affairs, has a list of activities three pages long.
It includes a lifetime of work with the Girl Scouts of America; service as president of the YWCA of the Roanoke Valley; membership in the Roanoke Neighborhood Partnership; active promotion of bicycle riding with the Blue Ridge Bicycle Club; volunteer work for South Roanoke United Methodist Church; and involvement in more than a dozen other clubs, committees and organizations.
In addition, she has brought up two daughters, both of whom are now in college, and opened her family to a Vietnamese refugee, Van Ngo, who lived with them for seven years and now is considered an adopted son.
Of course, the only way to cram all this activity into a normal 24-hour day is to go at it full tilt, which Duerk does.
"Barbara is the most interesting, energetic, enthusiastic person I have ever met. She involves her whole self into any cause, concern, or endeavor that she believes in," wrote her husband, Gary, in his nominating letter.
Duerk is very involved in causes that support women and girls, especially the Girl Scouts.
The Girl Scout uniform "is what the leaders of tomorrow are wearing today," she said.
Despite all the good she does through her community service, Duerk is often at a loss to explain what she does when she's asked. Although volunteer work is "the backbone of society," she said, it's often not considered "real work."
Duerk became involved in volunteer work when her children were school-age and she'd had enough of keeping house; playing tennis, golf and bridge; dressing up; and going to the pool.
"I'm privileged to have a husband who can support me," she said, but an easy life just wasn't enough.
She became coordinator for the Adventurers, a program that allows older Girl Scouts to try such activities as hiking and caving.
In rearing her own children, Duerk has encouraged them to express their individuality and to resist peer pressure. "I taught them it's OK to be different."
Katrina, 21, is studying art at Hollins College. Valissa, 19, is attending school in North Dakota and wants to be a pilot.
Mary Hackley, Mother of the Year for Education, has a soft, expressive voice that makes listeners want to put a book in her hand and ask her to read a story.
It's a very handy characteristic, because it's something she does every chance she gets, often dressing in a Cat-In-The-Hat suit so as to be more recognizable to the children. But it's a sure bet that most of them don't know that the nice lady who reads to them actually is an important school administrator.
"They're all my children," she said. "They just see me as someone who's come to help them.
Hackley, 56, is director of elementary education for Roanoke schools, and although her official headquarters is an office in the School Administration Building, she spends as much time as possible in the schools, working with principals and getting to know the needs of the pupils. Hackley never forgets a child, although she has been in the Roanoke school system for 32 years.
Hackley started out as a classroom teacher and principal and always enjoyed it but has found administration rewarding, too. Now she is responsible for overseeing 21 schools, each of which has its own "personality."
"I just have a larger classroom," she said.
Elementary education offers a chance for "making a difference early" in a child's life, she said.
Children need direction and support. "They want to be accepted. They want to do what is right."
Today, society exposes children to things they aren't ready for, she said. They have so many choices that sometimes they miss out on the basics.
"We have to let children know it's OK to be a child."
Working with schools and the community runs in the family for Hackley, whose husband, William Sr., also is a school administrator, and whose son, William Jr., 24, works for Roanoke's Neighborhood Partnership.
In her spare time, Hackley accompanies her husband and other teachers when he takes high school and junior high students to visit colleges. She is the superintendent of Sunday school at Mount Zion A.M.E. Church, is a member of the board of trustees and the choir, and gives speeches on youth motivation. She likes to read, but her desk is piled with reading materials she doesn't have time for.
"My doctor says I need a hobby," she laughed.
"Every daughter dreams of a mother that she knows she can always depend on, yet will not overstep her bounds, and will truly be her best friend. I am lucky enough to have it," Melinda Collins wrote in her nominating letter for Linda Markham, Mother of the Year for Business and Professions.
Rearing Melinda wasn't easy for Markham, 49. Although she took business classes in high school, she never really prepared for a career, expecting to be a wife and mother.
But her husband suddenly left when Melinda was 18 months old, and Markham had to support them both. She lived off and on with her parents, Frank and Gaynor Hodges, in Salem. An aunt also helped take care of Melinda.
Although she had no experience, she "lucked into a job" as a teller at Salem Federal Savings and Loan. After 25 years, lots of hard work and several mergers, Markham has made her way up to the position of vice president and regional manager of Virginia First Savings Bank.
As her career expanded, Markham became involved in community activities, serving as a member and president of the Salem Chamber of Commerce, on the board of directors of Lewis-Gale Hospital, with the Business and Professional Women's Downtown Roanoke Chapter and the American Business Women's Association.
While she was building her career, however, Markham's first priority was Melinda. At that time, she said, there were not as many divorces as there are today, and she worked to ensure that Melinda didn't suffer by being from a broken home.
"I really involved her in everything," Markham said. The two never have fought, and Melinda was a thoughtful, obedient chid.
Twelve years ago, Markham married her present husband, Lawrence, who helped raise Melinda during her teens.
"Their relationship, as well as my grandparent's relationship is what I based my marriage on," Collins wrote. "Thanks to their exemplary models, I have a wonderful marriage and family."
Two years ago, Collins gave birth to a daughter, an event that has strengthened her relationship with her mother.
"The best gift I could ever give my daughter is her grandmother," Collins wrote.
For most people, writing a letter is a chore, one that's seldom done when a phone call will do.
But there's something about Mary Jo Stafford, a registered nurse and Mother of the Year for Arts and Sciences, that made 18 of her family, friends, patients and co-workers write nominating letters.
There would have been more, wrote her employer, Dr. Max E. Bertholf, a family practitioner, but he was unable to start the letter-writing campaign until three days before the contest deadline. As it is, the number of letters has set a record.
Stafford, 50, has been working for Bertholf for the past 14 years. When he hired her, he was looking for someone who could also help him with medical research. Stafford was just right for the job.
Soon, she and Bertholf were taking advanced research classes together. They have produced 16 research papers, many of which she has presented herself at state and national physicians' meetings, becoming the first nurse to do so.
Through it all, she has managed to carry out her nursing duties, too.
"She makes you feel better just by coming into the room," wrote patient Mary Kay Schmidt.
Stafford's success has come despite the fact that when they were small, she and her older brother were abandoned by their parents. They spent their childhood being shuttled among relatives before finding a permanent home with an aunt and uncle in West Virginia. They encouraged her to do well in school, she said, but she had the desire to succeed, too.
Stafford married young, had two children, stayed home with them part of the time, and worked to put her husband, Donald Sr., through school the rest of the time.
Her own schooling started after the boys, Donald Jr. and Chris, were in high school. She became interested in nursing after working in a doctor's office, although she had no background at all in science.
Stafford spends hours every week on her research, but she still likes the contact with patients.
"I like people," she said. "I try to make them feel as comfortable as possible."
Stafford said she is glad she waited to have a career. Being a mother, she said "gave me the experience that made me a better nurse."
Both boys are happy and involved in careers they enjoy, she said. One is a firefighter, and the other is an air-traffic controller. Her philosophy for raising them, she said, was "know who you are, know what you want, feel good about yourself and cherish your friends."
by CNB