Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SATURDAY, May 8, 1993                   TAG: 9305100272
SECTION: EDITORIAL                    PAGE: A-7   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: 
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Short

EXAM TIME

Severe health hazards for grandmothers.

Sad to say, the mortality rate for grandmothers seems to go through the roof when students face queries as to what they've learned during the school year.

As a survey, conducted by Douglas Bernstein at the University of Illinois, revealed, dead grandmothers are students' leading excuse for being unprepared to take tests.

At times, the trend has assumed epidemic proportions. One fellow professor told Bernstein that 14 students in his class reported a grandmother's death right before final exams.

In one instance - when a student returned to class after missing an exam to attend his grandmother's funeral and the teacher expressed sympathy - the student said: "That's OK. She was terminal, but she's better now."

Indeed, some grandmothers are never allowed to rest in peace. They die, are resurrected, only to die and die again when students want to play hookie.

We trust this area's students have studied hard all year and are ready to ace their exams.

But just in case, watch yourself, granny.