Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, May 10, 1993                   TAG: 9305080112
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

BEN AIMS FOR THE TOP AS A TOMATO FARMER

We have seen that this goal has not been met in the past, but Bobcats forge ahead into the very teeth of agricultural misfortune.

I think that one of the reasons the pinks, yellows and reds turned into loathsome things with stuff running out of them was that I was afraid of the plants themselves.

This year, I'm going to look the German pinks right in the eye and let them know from the outset who is boss. Same thing goes for those big yellow jobs.

I don't know why I have this tendency to be afraid of tomato plants.

I'm not afraid of cucumber plants, and they grow without a blemish on them. Of course, I know that my dog Millie could grow cucumbers successfully. They're kind of like squash.

My son and I have carefully prepared the small plot in which we'll attempt to become immortal in the annals of tomato-growing.

We want our names to go down with the best of them, so that men will say a hundred years from now: "Those guys could really grow tomatoes."

We want grow to grow tomatoes that will be remembered as long as men and women slather mayonnaise on bread and make tomato sandwiches. We have issued a call to ourselves and we will not be found wanting.

I know that you can't grow tomatoes if you are deceitful, and I wish to say at this time that the part above about my son and I preparing the bed is a lie.

He tilled the plot. Front-end tillers tend to throw me to the ground and hurt me. The last time I ran one, I vibrated for days.

An added incentive this year is the $100,000 prize being offered by Stern's Miracle-Gro Plant Food for the production of a tomato weighing more than 7 pounds and 12 ounces.

I can tell these people one thing: They had better be ready to write the check.

I am going public right here. We are shooting for 8 pounds.

I'm sorry, but we are retiring, simple people and we won't be granting any television, radio or newspaper interviews.

I may report here on our quest for the 8-pound tomato as the season wears on.

I leave you now to prepare this secret stuff we'll put on our tomatoes.

This is supposed to make tomatoes grow big and healthy.

If this doesn't happen, it makes them fall decently to the ground before all that awful junk starts oozing out of them.