
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, May 12, 1993                   TAG: 9305120351
SECTION: EDITORIAL                    PAGE: A-4   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: 
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

MEN TAKE THEIR CUES FROM WOMEN

CAROLYN M. Byerly's April 28 letter ("The new standard for male behavior") seemed more eager to bash Justin Askins (April 7 commentary, "Women should take their part of responsibility for `date rape' ") than to provide the guidance suggested by the caption as to what today's woman expects from a man. Other than "a new social standard for male behavior, the expectation that they will control their sexual impulses and operate on the basis of mutuality, even to the point of penetration," no further "how to" information was presented.

No one argues that women have the sexual right to their own bodies, but from the letters that have appeared on this page, one can conclude they are unwilling to share any responsibility for the outcome when this right is abused.

Men have always taken their cues from women, and rarely go beyond the limits established by their date. They are fully aware that any crime against another person, most particularly rape, is abominable. And like other crimes, there are degrees of rape.

What can be done to lessen the probability of date rape? The female can carry in her purse a contract that begins "Whereas both parties agree . . . " She can also carry a can of mace, an ice pick, .22-caliber automatic - all of which will dissuade the most amorous male. But it makes much more sense to prevent the act than to flex legal muscle after the fact. If it's the consensus that sex is a part of the evening's agenda, both parties must accept responsibility for the moment. For the woman to renege at the point of penetration - though she has the right - would seem borderline sadism. Men have little tolerance for those who tease, taunt and otherwise promise (implicitly or explicitly) more than they intend to deliver.

Both Askins and Byerly are to be commended for sharing those "oft thought but seldom said" views each of us harbors. Askins had the courage to bring the "other side" of the date-rape issue to the printed page. He is, in my opinion, perfectly correct when he says that a women must assume their share of responsibility in an alleged date rape and men must be assured a fair shake when the woman does not.

Byerly, likewise, felt moved to present her views. But she would have garnered more sympathy from the reader had she countered the points she disagreed with, rather than ridicule a colleague who presumed to exercise a right of his own. RODNEY A. FRANKLIN ROANOKE

by CNB