Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, May 16, 1993 TAG: 9305140406
SECTION: BUSINESS PAGE: D1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Sandra Brown Kelly
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
Three female attorneys and three male attorneys were representing clients in the same case in a Roanoke court. The trial ended and the judge says to the women:
"Come on, little ladies. Give me a hug. It's my birthday."
He didn't ask the men to hug him.
Or how about this one?
A female lawyer got on an elevator in the Dominion Tower shortly after 9 a.m. on a workday. A man riding the elevator looked at his watch, noted it was past 9 o'clock, apparently assumed she was late to work and said: "You might not get your flowers on Secretaries' Day."
These are the situations that create friction between men and women in the workplace.
They make for "The Chilly Climate," which was the title and topic of a recent forum at Hollins College.
Diane Baun, a labor attorney with Woods, Rogers & Hazlegrove and moderator for the forum, was not the lawyer in the elevator story. However, she was one of the attorneys asked to hug the judge.
"We dutifully went up and gave him a hug," she said. "He's the judge."
And he's a nice guy. And he didn't mean anything by what he did.
But the judge's action put the women in an uncomfortable position because it made them different from the male attorneys.
Forum participants seemed to agree that hugging the judge was probably the only way for the lawyers to react.
Being tough is out, because that might be offensive and cause a backlash. Being labeled a feminist is risky because the term has been abused. It now often means being a strident female, instead of a person who believes in equal treatment for the sexes.
"The best tactic is to be unemotional," said Mary Watkins, managing director of J.P. Morgan Securities Inc. in New York and one of the Hollins graduates on the forum's panel.
The Wall Street executive described the trading environment as "a cross between a men's locker room and a fraternity party," where men throw Nerf balls or comment on women's dress or social mores to rid themselves of work-related tension.
But if a woman doesn't exercise control in such settings, she gives men an opening to suggest that she "is acting emotionally and must have misunderstood," Watkins said.
But Watkins said a woman also can teach sensitivity in a nice way, like explaining to the man on the elevator how his comments might be inappropriate.
Panelists and the audience agreed that women still have ridiculous hurdles at work, but that progress is being made. They also agreed that everyone needs to stay civilized in the meantime.
A male executive for a major Roanoke Valley manufacturing company said there are even different expectations of the paperwork from men and women workers.
"Are women expected to be better at clerical work than men? You bet! Are women managers expected to give the clerical staff work that is in better shape than would be expected from a man? You bet!"
But it is improving, he said, and his presence at the forum was intended as support for the improvement.
Suzanne Mink, director of development at Washington's National Cathedral, set the historical background for the discussion by pointing out that women aren't moving up in the business world comparable to their numbers and that it will be "another 25 years before women's pay reaches parity."
Yet, success "and rising" in the workplace are the essence of the American dream, she said.
So what can women do?
Speak slowly and enunciate carefully. Mink said that's what Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Conner advises.
O'Conner said getting men to listen to her was a continuing challenge even after she was named to the high court, Mink said.
"Men are listened to and then looked at. Women are looked at and then listened to," Mink said.
Mink, who is petite in build, said she has often heard:
"How is a cute, little thing like you doing such a big job?"
Her reaction? Grin and bear it.
Adding to the problems women still have at work is the dual role some choose.
A woman's most productive work years unfortunately coincide with her most reproductive years, said Nathalie Gilfoyle, a partner in the Washington law firm of McDermott, Will & Emery.
A result is the mixed message that women want to be treated equally with male colleagues, except sometimes they want to be treated differently.
She said she spent the first nine years out of law school trying to be just like a "strong male" and the next 10 years coping with baby's spit on the back of her business suits and Huggies coupons mixed in with business cards.
"What happens when a working mother does want to be treated differently can lead to resentment," she said. "The worst situation is nobody talks about this."
Because the issue isn't dealt with, women - sometimes men too - "disguise ways to try to incorporate family life into their jobs."
However, the best practice is to discuss the issues and formalize the work arrangement.
Gilfoyle said a woman has to use economic arguments to persuade a company to go along with a schedule that will allow her flexibility for family.
"Infant bonding doesn't have much value in the corporate world," she said. "Look at issues they do understand, like productivity."
Remember the rule: Don't be emotional.
\ Sandra Brown Kelly covers retailing and consumer-related issues for the Roanoke Times & World-News.
by CNB