Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, June 14, 1993 TAG: 9306120084
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
I base this on tireless and loyal observance of the human condition as it exists down at the recycling bins in the shopping center parking lot.
I don't know what it is. People seem happier than they were during the winter and you don't see a whole lot of bitter non-conformists who willingly and maliciously throw green glass into the brown glass bin. Or put slick magazines in the paper bin.
I don't know why people should seem happier than they were during the winter.
I assume they are glad there is no chance whatsoever for President Clinton to nominate them for some big-deal job in his administration and then sandbag them when the going gets rough.
They may be happier because Connie Chung and Dan Rather have teamed up on CBS' evening news.
To tell you the truth, however, I've never really heard Connie and Dan discussed and I spend a lot of time around the bins. We drink an awful lot of diet Fresca, which means that I hang around the green plastic porthole a lot and this tends to make me overhear discussions.
A plastic bottle doesn't make as much noise as, say, a glass container that once contained OId Forester.
I personally prefer throwing plastic for the reason that you can hear better.
There is still some confusion evident, however. I recently talked at length with a young woman who was concerned about whether this wine bottle she was holding was green or white glass.
I told her to seize the day and throw it into any porthole she wanted to. She thanked me and said she enjoyed living dangerously like that.
I also have to report that I've heard absolutely nothing about the Japanese royal wedding, even at the green plastic porthole.
I don't think this can be interpreted as evidence of bias against the Japanese. People who recycle are usually sturdy people who also pay little attention to British royal weddings or what Fergie has been up to lately.
It surprised me that I didn't hear a thing about the haircuts the president and his wife got.
This leads me to believe that these people, as a sort of involuntary defense reflex, have stopped listening to the evening news and have been ignoring the Clinton administration.
I think that ignoring the evening news and the Clintons - and Oprah Winfrey, Geraldo Rivera and Phil Donahue - is certainly good for your mental health.
This may be put you at a disadvantage at cocktail parties, but real recyclers don't go to those things anyway.
by CNB