Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SUNDAY, June 20, 1993                   TAG: 9306200005
SECTION: VIRGINIA                    PAGE: E1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ed Shamy
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

IT'S HIS PARTY; HE'LL CRY IF HE WANTS TO

To: Malfourd "Bo" Trumbo

From: Me

Dear Bo, Agreeing that I will fry in the eternal fires for wrongly calling you a Democrat in print on Friday - you are today, as you were Friday, our Republican state senator - I put before you a modest proposal.

As you are painfully aware, we here at the newspaper have a strange tendency to mistakenly identify your party affiliation. We've called you a Democrat three - count 'em - THREE times in the past couple of years.

I cannot offer you any personal or institutional guarantee that we'll not do it again. Any chance of you switching parties? It would cause us all a lot less heartache.

Sincerely, Ed

Re: The rumor, untrue, that an AIDS-infected pizza deliveryman is masturbating on pizzas in the Roanoke Valley.

"The tasteless and scatological Ed Shamy appears to be a completely loose cannon on the local newspaper . . . "

R.S., Roanoke Dear R.S., The newspaper keeps the ammo locked and out of the reach of children.

"Several times a year I receive a copy of your paper from one of my Roanoke relatives and I do enjoy it. Always I have been turned off by Mr. Shamy's remarks. The last one, on the subject of pizza, could be considered nothing less than shocking, crude and gross. I truly feel it is a reflection on your newspaper to employ such a writer . . . "

S., Short Hills, N.J.

Dear S., Easy to say from swank Short Hills. If your neighbors were talking about something as horrible, wouldn't you appreciate a newspaper that sics a writer who never errs on the truth?

Re: Calling for the judge to throw the book at the three Roanoke College doornappers.

"I think you are way out of line, buddy. Maybe you should think back to a time when you were college-aged. . . . In MY humble opinion, you should remember a time like this in your past before judging these guys. Unless, of course, you were that little nerdy type of bookworm that never did anything wrong, and never had a little fun!"

S.P., Roanoke

Dear S.P., That was me.

Re: Paintball

"At first I was delighted to see paintball getting publicity in a well recognized newspaper but, I was soon bothered by your apparently negative outlook on the sport and those who play. . . . The people I play with don't dream of killing people. They just enjoy playing a sophisticated and challenging game."

T.S., Covington.

Dear T.S., . . . the object of which is to aim at another person and pull a trigger, firing a projectile at an opposing player.

Re: Bad grammar

"Are you aware that `between' should be used with two items and when refering to three or more items, the word is `among' ."

E.S., Bedford.

Dear E.S., You misspelled "referring." I thought, briefly, about correcting it before citing your letter.