Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, July 10, 1993 TAG: 9307100032
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: B10 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Mike Mayo
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
If you and your sweetie are thinking of seeing "Jurassic Park," you're talking an investment of three to four hours, depending on how long it takes you to get to the theater. Tickets, popcorn and a couple of softdrinks will run you $10 to $20. Factor in the optional kids and/or babysitter, and you're talking about real money.
But you can stop by your favorite local video store for a quick browse, pick up two or three movies and still stay in single figures, dollarwise. Sometimes you'll be delighted by the wonderful surprise you discover. Most of the time, you'll find acceptable entertainment. And every now and again, you'll bring home something that strikes you as absolutely unwatchable. But, hey, you haven't spent that much money, and your VCR has a fast-forward button. If you use it wisely, it can save you a lot of time that could be more profitably spent watching better bad movies.
Difficult as it may be for regular readers of this column to believe, there is a limit to my own tolerance of bad movies. These seven recently made quick trips through the VCR. I can't make any real comments on their quality because with each, I either bailed out early or at some point, hit the f-f button.
"Hidden Obsession" is a formula thriller that looks like it was made for cable. Heather Thomas is the vacationing TV newscaster. Jan Michael Vincent, who lives in a nearby cabin, is either a lovestruck cop or a psycho killer. But it could be the escaped convict who's knocking off the supporting cast. You don't need three guesses. "Illegal Entry" begins as a promising
little suspense with the wonderful bad acting that makes B-movies so much fun. It's about a teen-age girl whose scientist parents are murdered for the secret formula. Whatever credibility the story might have had went down the drain when it was revealed that the folks kept a huge open tub of hydrochloric acid in the basement.
"The Tigress" is an underfed European production that seems to be set in the 1920s. Perhaps the producers couldn't afford to fill all of the sets so there are large dark areas in many of the early scenes. The plot has something to do with a con man (James Remar) and a conwoman (Valentina Vargas) attempting to swindle an astonishingly plump George Peppard who wears a tux and a silly cowboy hat.
"Beauty School" is your basic guilty pleasure about some sexy young criminals who are given a chance to reform themselves and lead productive lives as topless dancers. It's an extremely low-budget bawdy comedy that gains a lot through judicious speed watching.
"Lake Consequence" takes itself much more seriously. It's another attempt at heavy-breathing eroticism from Zalman King, auteur of "Two Moon Junction" and, more recently, lots of stuff for pay cable. This one's a fantasy about a young mom (Joan Severance) who falls asleep in a trailer belonging to workman Billy Zane who carries her off and helps her get in touch with her feelings. It's all so atmospheric and coy that I lost patience early on.
"Wishful Thinking" seems to have something to do with a daydreaming writer (Murray Langston) whose scribbles somehow come true. This one's a slow starter. The comedy seemed so forced and poorly paced that, again, I surrendered quickly. "Body Language" is another made-for-cable
entry in the currently popular "female-from-hell" genre of suspense flicks. You know, the nanny in "Hand That Rocks the Cradle," mistress in "Fatal Attraction," etc. This time, it's the secretary (Linda Purl) who's out to do in her executrix boss (Heather Locklear). As soon as the director resorted to the stalker's point of view camerawork, I reached for the remote.
Next week: The charm of Australian movies.
\ The Essentials ( ... well, some of the essentials. Since I didn't really watch these, I can't say what they contained, but it's a safe bet that all of them have strong language, brief nudity, some sexual activity and a little violence. Any star rating would be hypocritical.) Hidden Obsession.
MCA/Universal. 93 min. Rated R.
Illegal Entry. PM. 88 min. Rated R.
The Tigress. Vidmark. 87 min. Unrated and R-rated. Beauty School.
Imperial. 95 min. Rated R.
Lake Consequence. Republic. 90 min. Unrated and R-rated.
Wishful Thinking. Hemdale. 94 min. Unrated.
Body Language. Paramount. 93 min. Rating pending.
\ New releases this week:
The Bodyguard: **1/2 Stars Kevin Costner, Whitney Houston. Written by Lawrence Kasdan. Directed by Mick Jackson. Warner. 127 min. Rated R for strong language, violence, mild sexual content.
Fueled by loads of star power and little else, this is a long, deliberately paced romantic thriller about two characters who are polar opposites. Their relationship is complex and not completely convincing. Flaws not withstanding, Kevin Costner does his usual solid job in the title role, and pop diva Whitney Houston makes a credible if unimpressive debut.
Lorenzo's Oil: **1/2 Stars Susan Sarandon, Nick Nolte. Directed by George Miller. MCA/Universal. 134 min. Rated PG-13 for subject matter, some strong language.
This medical drama is often deeply moving and just as often exasperating. Based on a real case, the film is about two parents who defied the best doctors in America to find a treatment for their son. Writer-director George Miller is a physician himself. Perhaps it's that experience that allows him to explore the complexities of the story. If only Nick Nolte and Susan Sarandon weren't so off-putting at key moments.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: **1/2 Starring the hardshell quartet. Directed by Stuart Gillard. Columbia Tristar (New Line). 90 min. Rated PG for martial arts violence.
This time out, our amphibian heroes are stuck in medieval Japan in the middle of a civil war. Will they find the magic scepter in time to get back to their New York sewer and pizza? You know the answer, but the TMNT's young fans will be well-entertained by this sequel.
by CNB