Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, July 13, 1993 TAG: 9307130015
SECTION: VIRGINIA PAGE: C-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: MELANIE HATTER STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
I didn't see baby yesterday. And this morning, I quickly bundled him out of the house and into the day-care center with a quick kiss on the cheek.
Christopher grinned at me while clinging to the day-care worker as I backed out of the room.
Yesterday, I awoke before baby rose and left the house after a quick peek into his room. He was still sleeping soundly. Daddy was home and would attend to baby's morning routine as Mommy zipped down Interstate 81 from Christiansburg to make an 8 a.m. appointment.
My busy day would disappear like snow on a sunny day. I arrived home after 7 p.m. to find baby sleeping as soundly as I'd left him that morning.
"Should I wake him up?" I sheepishly asked my husband, who looked at me and rolled his eyes. He didn't speak, but his face said, "Just so you can satisfy your own need to hold baby, who obviously needs his sleep?"
I crept into Christopher's room and watched him snore. I couldn't bring myself to wake him.
This morning, I was running late and didn't have time to play with him before leaving the house. I had another early appointment.
He wanted to pull the picture of Minnie Mouse off the wall and chew his socks and grab my glasses. I didn't have the time. My exasperation was evident as I struggled to keep him still on the changing table.
And now, I'm feeling guilty.
Guilty because Christopher, who's 13 months old, might believe my job is more important to me than he is. Guilty because I never seem to have the energy or the time to play. And guilty because I'm not a stay-at-home mother.
And yet a study by Catherine E. Ross, a sociologist at the University of Illinois, tells me I'm in the second-happiest category of women in America. I'm not as happy as women with no children who have a job, but much happier than stay-at-home moms, according to Ross.
Today, that's hard to swallow.
Society's perception that my child will suffer because of my career goals weighs heavy on my mind. It doesn't matter what Ross says. Or author Faith Crosby, who says that working parents may help their children rather than hinder them.
I can read their words until my eyes are red, but there's a tiny voice inside me that says, "You're neglecting your child."
So I feel guilty.
Crosby's book, "Juggling: The Unexpected Advantages of Balancing Career and Home for Women and Their Families," says mothers must have time away from their children for their own happiness. But what happens when that time away seems to be greater than the time spent with the children?
And I don't mean time that's interrupted with housekeeping.
I mean time to play. To laugh at baby's attempts to pull Minnie Mouse from the wall and let him discover the texture of his socks with his mouth.
Time to do all those things that working mothers think stay-at-home moms do all day.
by CNB