Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: THURSDAY, July 15, 1993 TAG: 9307150449
SECTION: PARENT'S GUIDE PAGE: PGS-9 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: By SARAH COX
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
But the advantage of free play, she also said, is that children are given the opportunity to come up with their own activities.
"It helps them to develop leadership skills and the ability to get along with others. This is sometimes missing when everything is organized in their lives. One of the things we all need is the opportunity for relaxed, or fall-apart time," she said.
And experts warn that too much organization, too many extracurricular activities, not only stresses out the child involved, but the whole family.
Dr. Don Kees, assistant director of Pediatric Education with Community Hospital, agreed that after-school activities are important, especially when the alternative is a child coming home to an empty house.
He also said that from a health standpoint, getting a child involved in physical activities after they've sat in school all day is crucial, but "there's got to be a point of diminishing return. We're all overbooked. When you're gone several nights out of the week and you don't have time to sit down and have family time, not sitting in front of the TV, then that's the time when the family should realize that they're overbooked."
Kees said that when a family doesn't sit down together for dinner, this should be seen as a "red flag." And when a child is excessively tired, or can't entertain himself, or can't learn to work on his own, then priorities need to be re-evaluated.
There's no formula, just as there are no two children alike. "Some children, like some adults, need some structure," said Talbott.
"It's important for adults to ask the child if they're enjoying [the activity]. And it's important to have a balance."
Just as important as watching for signs of stress is to watch for signs of boredom. If a child is moping around, watching TV all the time, not excited about things, not being with other children, then, Talbott said, this may be the time to think about a planned activity.
But on the other hand, if a child appears nervous, anxious, is not able to sleep, is keyed up, and generally can't enjoy just being a child, then that child might be involved in too many commitments.
"We want a child to enjoy being a child and be able to develop into a successful adult. Parents today are concerned with the safety of their children," said Talbott, and certainly after-school programs provide that. But they also need relief and a change of pace after school.
"There are some children who are simply not interested in athletics," she said, and she advised not to push them too hard in that direction.
Parents can introduce exercise in other ways - like free time in the park or at the pool. "You look for a balance within the interests of the child."
Linda Watkins, who runs her own dance studio, remembers that growing up, she and her friends were usually only committed to two extracurricular activities.
"In my opinion, the first priority should be school work. There are too many activities. I don't think parents spend enough time with their children. Maybe children are too involved with activities," she said.
She added that in her own family, they enjoy doing things together, such as scuba diving. She also suggested that parents sit down with their children and set limits, such as making school work their top priority; then ask how many hours a week an activity will demand; then ask the child if he or she wants to do it.
"I don't know how they do what they do," Watkins said, adding that she sees a lot of junior high school girls very stressed out.
Mike Chiglinsky, a psychologist with the Appalachian Counseling Center, also said that an after-school activity is very important, "so they don't have too much unstructured time to get into trouble."
Watkins recalled that growing up, she didn't have time to "fool around and get into bad things because my dance kept me busy."
Chiglinsky says activities help channel children's energies. He says he has no problems with outlets, but it "becomes a real dilemma when extracurricular activities become equal to, or greater than, the time spent in school. Those children going from one activity to another without much of a break are the ones most vulnerable to burn out."
He has run into this in his own family situation, with his son who was involved in T-ball practice. But, he said, their coach was a mother who understood the importance of family time, bed time and dinner time.
"Who draws the limits that say enough is enough? The child, the activity leader or the parents? For us, one of the biggest issues is getting our 7-year-old and 19-month-old in bed by 8 p.m. I can't believe that kids staying up to 10 p.m. can perform well in school the next day."
He said you know it's too much when the activity interferes in the family structure or in the child's ability to adapt - in other words, is your child tired, irritable and short-tempered?
Chiglinsky said he thinks it's important for kids to learn how to set goals and work toward them, and learn the responsibilities of completing tasks. Part of the lesson is to help kids to learn, but you can start working to solve the problem, he said. It's the parents' job to help them figure out other solutions and not to put unreasonable pressure on their children.
"I have a problem with a kid who has a structured activity daily. There is data saying that we are raising a generation of kids that are too stressed. They become burned out too early and can't enjoy the activities is they can't take them at an even pace."
He also said our society is beginning to think that it's okay to do a lot of things separately, instead of as a family unit. It's the parents' job to give kids a choice, and help guide them in that choice, but don't put a whole list in front of them and let them go at it, he said.
"It's like a kid in a candy store, he said. He said it can get so bad, especially with pre-teens and teen-agers, that they are constantly driving to achieve more and more. And in effect, even though they may be doing increasing levels of activity, they find less enjoyment and less pleasure with life.
by CNB