Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, July 18, 1993 TAG: 9309040322
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: C3 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: SCOTT SHELLABARGER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
What does that statement mean? Perhaps it's a put-down for your mother to be an employee of the military? Or maybe it means that a job for which combat boots is the required dress will jeopardize your mother's gender?
I will soon have ample opportunity to ponder these and other philosophical questions. A few weeks ago, my wife was sworn into the United States Air Force as a first lieutenant. She will perform the duties of a clinical social worker, counseling military families at Keesler Air Force Base in Mississippi. Although her primary mission will not be combat, she will wear combat boots.
Do I question her gender? Certainly NOT!
But, by admitting to and actively allowing my wife to pursue her life's goals, perhaps at the cost of my own, and by putting myself into a situation where the male-domination factor is at risk, I have surely opened the door to negative comments from this conservative society.
How many men would proudly boast that his wife is the main breadwinner in the family? And how many would make his life's goals secondary to hers for the good of the family? Could we compromise beliefs we have grown up with and have seen demonstrated in every facet of society? For example: Most people, upon hearing that we are moving, ask if I have been transferred, or why I decided to join the Air Force. They simply assume the male domination.
I certainly don't blame them. Since the beginning of time, the man has been the protector and the food provider - the woman, the care-giver and the homemaker. We know this from history ... from the Bible ... even from evolutionary theories showing cave men protecting cave women. These are 1,000-year-old traditions and customs in our society, not easily given up or shaken off.
It has been easy to assume that the man has a new job and that the woman will follow him - her life's goals transformed and subsumed under his. Television of the l950s mirrored this attitude. Did anyone expect June Cleaver to ask her family to move in order to fulfill her dream of becoming an astronaut? Absolutely not! It was laughable and absurd to think a woman could even begin to aspire to be an astronaut.
Not anymore.
Experiencing self-realization and actualization in the '60s and '70s, women found their roles changing and evolving. They began to explore their own power and influence. With new-found control over lives and bodies, they headed into the work force, fighting male domination every step of the way. As the '80s brought indulgence and excess, husbands were more inclined to encourage wives to work to bring in the extra cash needed to live better. The twin-income family was born as people acknowledged that they could have more, monetarily and materially, than their parents had - and even have today!
By the 1990s, people realized that they were over-extended; they had spent too much. In fact, the whole country seemed to have dug a grave for itself in debt. ``Trim the fat'' has been the slogan for the '90s - and that means cutbacks and lost jobs.
During the past few years, companies have come to the conclusion that they can trim more fat by slicing up the power structure - top executives are losing their jobs. Family units are forced to reshape themselves around the wife's salary as the husband finds himself at home with no job and no prospects.
Yuppies are trading in their ``beemers'' for closer family ties. More fathers can be found in the care-giver role than ever before. Again, television mirrors this with shows like ``Who's the Boss?'' and ``My Two Dads,'' among others. Yet still the traditions persist. Who hasn't ribbed a friend about ``who wears the pants in the family''?
I say courage to those who challenge the gender roles! The critics will be vocal at every corner. Why? Are we fearful of change? Yes. Are men fearful of losing power? Again, yes.
My grandfather is a member of a men's club that recently was forced to admit women. He wasn't happy about it at first. He worried he would have to curb his language. Now, he has praise for the new members: ``The women really get things done. You give them a task, and they do it. The men just never get around to it.'' Results in a stagnant situation. Does that sound familiar?
First lady Hillary Rodham Clinton: We didn't elect her; she has no obligation; she could simply sit around the White House taking up space (like her predecessors). Not Hillary. She cares; she serves; she is involved; and, according to White House staff, she's getting more done and is more decisive than our No. l man!
Women can do any job, and many times they can do it better than men - we just have to let them try.
Does anyone in the world NOT understand the brutality of war? Once again our image of the poor, defenseless, brainless woman clouds our judgment. Women are not idiots. They understand the risks, and they are willing to take them. Flying combat missions will not be any more deadly for a woman than they already have been for a man. Men don't accept POW abuse any better than women.
Women will become a force to be reckoned with in the future. I see their roles becoming more and more dominant. The upper echelons of corporate America will be surprised, when, after their efforts to trim the fat cut men out of the power structure, women come up through the ranks to fill the needed positions.
The power is already shifting; men have unwittingly loosened their grip on the business world. The trend may be toward role-reversal, and the future may hold such for our society - but personal, male-dominated views still will have to be challenged.
I guess I would consider myself a soldier to some degree. Fighting, and challenging, tradition - helping to usher in a new age, fending off the inevitable jokes and quips: ``Your wife wears combat boots.'' ``Is your wife gay?'' ``Do you breast-feed your kids?'' ``Are you Mr. Mom?''
All this - simply for the right to choose, and not be judged. It would all be a cliche if it weren't so serious. Freedom is at stake: her freedom, his freedom, my freedom, your freedom, our freedom.
I call to my fellow soldiers; have courage. Times, they are a-changin'.
\ Scott Shellabarger is a free-lance graphic designer and writer in Roanoke.
by CNB