Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, July 21, 1993 TAG: 9309050281
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
``Bennie, be careful of your money or you'll end up eating cat food.''
Or: ``You know, Bennie, it's a good time to check your last will and testament.''
Or more often:
``Bennie, get yourself something to do every hour of your waking day or - Heaven forbid - you may start looking at things like `General Hospital' on television.''
That goes to show you what those people know. I don't look at ``General Hospital'' every afternoon. I look at reruns of ``Star Trek: The Next Generation.''
This is serious. Counselor Deanna Troi and Ship's Surgeon Beverly Crusher have replaced Kim Basinger, Kim Novak, Paulette Goddard and Julie London in my affections.
Not to mention the female ensign with the wrinkled forehead who knows a thing or two about aiming the Starship Enterprise.
These guys have a room in which they just tell a computer to construct, or reconstruct, any situation they might want. You can bet they don't have one of those on ``General Hospital.''
If I had one of those rooms, I'd reconstruct the score of the 1943 football game between the Radford Bobcats and the William Fleming Colonels to read: Radford 26, Fleming 0.
The team would be escorted downtown to the S&W Cafeteria by a squad of scantily-clad young ladies - most of whom resemble Virginia Mayo.
The Radford principal - who in real life passed out 50-cent pieces at the cafeteria door - wouldn't like the dancing girls or buying champagne for everybody. This includes Capt. Picard, who is in town because of a time warp situation encountered on or about Star Date 34456.1.
Looking at reruns at 4 p.m. is a lonely business. People who watch the show on Saturday evenings tend to scoff at you.
These include my son, who rolls his eyes at me. I hate it when a kid of mine rolls his eyes at me.
Soap opera addicts can get together and talk about why Simon shot Ramona after he learned she was pregnant. Or about Paul throwing himself from the penthouse when he learned f-b f+iheowas pregnant.
Nobody wants to chat with me about the time Deanna Troi fell in love with this strange creature who had this scritchy thing inside it.
Or how Dr. Crusher's medical expertise and equipment makes ``General Hospital'' look like medieval medicine.
So, you start talking to yourself.
The other morning, I got in the Cherokee, put it in gear, and said, just like Capt. Picard does, ``En-gaage.''
by CNB