Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: THURSDAY, September 9, 1993 TAG: 9309090353
SECTION: NEIGHBORS PAGE: S-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: LYNN A. COYLE STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Wagner, mother of a 2-year-old, is a graduate of Surviving Motherhood, an educational support group for mothers. Henry-Leggette is the creator and leader of the class, offered through The Parents' Place at the YMCA of Roanoke Valley.
The 10-week class, which is geared toward mothers of toddlers and preschoolers, covers topics such as discipline, communication, developing self-esteem, child development, raising responsible children, and the stress and guilt of motherhood.
Wagner, a former elementary school teacher, said it has given her a "bag of tricks" to use and, more important, a support group. "It's like therapy to cleanse us of all the guilt you feel from all the mistakes you've made," she said.
Avis Aheron, Wagner's classmate, said her first child was very easygoing. Her second daughter, born 10 years later, was a "tremendous challenge," Aheron said. "She's very aggressive and very independent."
The group has given her techniques she never needed before. "I have learned to appreciate her more and enjoy her more. And hopefully I'm coping better," Aheron said.
In addition to her work with other mothers, Henry-Leggette has a full-time career as mother of 12-year-old Jenni Leggette and 8-year-old Kimberly Leggette. In her Southwest Roanoke County home where she and her husband, Tom, raise their daughters, she talked about the evolution of Surviving Motherhood while the girls folded laundry and baked brownies in the next room.
Her daughters show a good understanding of their mother's job. "They will sometimes come home and tell me, `There's a mother that should be in your group, mom,' " Henry-Leggette said, laughing.
When her younger daughter was 2, Henry-Leggette felt ready to go back to work part-time. "But the experience [of being a mother] had changed me . . ., and I really wanted to do something different," said Henry-Leggette, who has a master's degree in social work with a specialty in group work.
When her older daughter was born, she found herself feeling very lonely, so she hooked up with some other moms who had a play group.
"This group was my lifeline. I would drive an hour in New York traffic" to commiserate, solve problems and participate in group activities, she said.
It was a combination of realizing the value of what that group did for her, and her love of group work, that led her to create Surviving Motherhood.
The course first was offered in 1987 through Hollins College. The response was so great that Henry-Leggette taught four sessions that fall. When Hollins moved the class on campus, on-site child care no longer was possible. Interest dwindled, and the course was discontinued. But Henry-Leggette had a group of mothers who wanted to continue, so she offered the class on her own.
That group led her to develop courses through Surviving Motherhood IV. Participants would tell her what they wanted to learn, and she'd do more research. Although they've graduated, group members still get together once a month. When they invite her to special social functions, "it's like a reunion," Henry-Leggette said.
Linda Wallis, a member of that original group, said she learned alternative methods of discipline. "I was spanked as a child, and I didn't want to spank my daughter," she said. "Without that class I would probably be spanking her all along."
The class has been offered in the spring and fall through The Parents' Place since 1991. "The timing couldn't have been better for me," Henry-Leggette said. Otherwise, the class probably would have been discontinued.
This fall, there will be one session of Surviving Motherhood I and one of Surviving Motherhood III. The Parents' Place requests a $30 donation for the class and an additional child-care fee, which varies with the number of children. Scholarships are available.
Henry-Leggette also visits library story groups to talk about Surviving Motherhood, but "I'm finding more dads showing up at those groups," she said, and some are asking to be included. "I think that there will be a time that this class will need to be just Surviving Parenthood."
In response to requests from fathers and mothers, she and Parents' Place Director Thayer Walker hope to develop a drop-in evening group for parent education and problem-solving. And in January, Henry-Leggette hopes to offer a class she is developing for mothers of elementary school children.
Wallis, whose daughter Jessica is now 8, said she'd like to have a new class for mothers of preteens. "I know she'll be giving a class soon," she said. "I'm ready to go back."
For information on Surviving Motherhood, call The Parents' Place at the YMCA of Roanoke Valley, 342-9622.
by CNB