Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, September 28, 1993 TAG: 9309300096
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Kathleen Wilson
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Top 10 reasons the Crystal Spring Deli softball team lost (15-5) to Corned Beef & Co. last Tuesday night:
Number 10 - "Lousy calls! Terrible calls! That umpire needs to go back to umpire school!" (Wayne Stinnett, Crystal Spring)
Number 9 - "If you have to play after 6:30 p.m., the lines that define the batter's box are all worn away!" (Jim Cavanaugh, pitcher for Crystal Spring)
Number 8 - That darned 10-run slaughter rule. (If they could have played longer maybe Crystal Spring would have hit something.)
Number 7 - Brian Parker's (Corned Beef) shoes looked just like those green ankle boots Robin wore in "Batman," only Brian's were blue.
Number 6 - Fight between guy who wears earring and guy who wears nipple ring calling each other "pansy."
Number 5 - "You hit like a woman! No, not even a woman! You hit like a little girl!" (Wayne Stinnett to Billy Basham, both of Crystal Spring)
Number 4 - "Oh, yeah? Well, if I WAS a woman, I'd be the best damn woman you'd ever seen!" (Billy Basham to Wayne Stinnett)
Number 3 - "I want you to know all of us who play for Corned Beef are straight!" (Max Robertson)
Number 2 - "Remember? That was the night before you almost got fired the next day." (Dave Parr to Billy Basham, recalling the time someone fell asleep at Hooters.)
And the Number 1 reason Crystal Spring lost to Corned Beef - "We're all Dallas Cowboys fans."
Of the 10 of us who participated in the inaugural Celebrity Waiter/Waitress Race at Smith Mountain Lake's Wine Festival on Saturday, I had the most experience.
Waitressed my way through high school and college, I did. And at an Irish bar in Pittsburgh, no less.
So how in the world did I come in dead last, spilling red wine all over my sneakers not three steps after they yelled, "Go!"?
Because at Smith Mountain Lake, we had to run 25 yards carrying a tray with a bottle and two wine glasses filled with red wine.
At that Irish bar, nobody ever sat more than, oh, 25 feet from the bar.
Jerry Johnson, an independent candidate for the House of Delegates showed us all up, running the course in 6 seconds flat and barely spilled a drop.
In the dignified, cautious and conservative manner befitting a Republican, Allen Dudley, candidate for the 9th House district, walked the entire route.
Did he have any restaurant experience at all?
"Well, I tip," he said.
"Tell her about Shoney's," prompted his wife, Virginia, whispering and tugging at his arm.
Allen blushed.
Seems he worked at Shoney's in high school.
"But it was a drive-in," he clarified. "I didn't wait tables."
Nonetheless, Virginia's mighty proud.
"He was so good he eventually wound up as supervisor for the entire curbside service," she boasted.
Brush with fame alert!
Sylvia Stipe, a travel writer from Pigeon Forge, Tenn., whom I met at the wine festival Saturday, is indeed related to singer, songwriter and all-around pop music sensation Michael Stipe of R.E.M.
"He's my ex-husband's cousin's son," she explained.
Why is it that Camden and Nellie Reed of Garden City managed to stay married 69 years when most of us can't find someone we can stand to be out with on a four-hour dinner-and-a-movie date?
(It's a rhetorical question, please don't write!)
The entire Reed clan - including Cam and Nellie's seven children, 18 grandchildren and 22 great grandchildren and their families - turned out Saturday to celebrate this magnificent marital feat.
"We've been hooked together for a long time, and I've got the most beautiful girl in the world," said Cam, 92, of the woman he married back in 1924.
Their children can't remember the two ever having an arguement.
"I guess if we did, I've forgotten all about it by now," Nellie told me.
by CNB