Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: THURSDAY, September 30, 1993 TAG: 9309290014
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Joel Achenbach
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
A: You have noticed this your entire life, and probably just accepted it without question, like having two nostrils. Here, finally, is the explanation:
One hole shoots out hydrogen. The other shoots out oxygen. The two streams come together and form H2O, water.
OK, so that's a lie, but you have to admit it'd be a neat invention.
The two-hole water fountain is made by Halsey Taylor, one of the giants of the industry. The design causes the two streams of water to converge at the apex of the arc of water, and supposedly creates a fuller, wider, broader, rounder, wateryer drink. Perhaps more importantly, the two streams aerate the water more as it rises toward your mouth, and aerated water tastes better, it's not quite as tinny and stale.
We apologize for sounding like Water Snobs.
\ Q: Why do you always hear about a sports team making a trade for "a player to be named later"?
A: As long as we're in the mood to lie, here are two more untrue answers:
1. The player has been traded, his life has been ruined, but no one has had the heart to tell him yet.
2. The team gets to decide what name they want to give the player. For example, "Moe Finkelberg" was told that he had to change his name to "Reggie Jackson."
Here's the truth: Teams often want to make a deal in a hurry. Team A needs a power hitter, fast, to shore up a wimpy lineup, and it knows that Team B is trying to unload an aging veteran with declining stats. Team A says give us that guy and we'll give you any one of these three minor-league prospects. Team B says sure, but we'll need a few weeks to figure out which one of those three guys is worth a damn. So the teams quickly announce the deal and say that the slugger is going from Team B to Team A for a player to be named later.
It can get even more complicated - in football, for example, you often have unspecified future draft choices as the compensation for a team who trades away a player. The deal might say that if the traded player catches more than 20 passes this season, the compensation is a second-round draft pick, and if he catches more than 40 passes the compensation is a first-round draft pick.
The real question is: Why is any of this legal? Don't we have antitrust laws? Only in professional sports are human beings still treated as chattel. (Then again, a few years ago the Why staff was traded from the Miami Herald to The Washington Post for a place-kicker and a ninth-round draft pick.)
\ The Mailbag:
Barb M. of Maple Heights, Ohio, asks, "What do they do with the blood after they embalm a person? Can it be used again?"
Dear Barb: In cocktails, maybe. But there's no medical use for cadaver blood. The cells in the blood rapidly die after the host departs this earth. We called a funeral home in Washington, D.C., and were told that they dump the stuff down the drain, which frankly shocked us. Blood is, obviously, a vector for disease. But we've been assured by a mortuary science professor that the chemicals in the sewage treatment process render blood harmless.
In any case, don't go hanging around the sewers of D.C. (unless you're trying to find your congressman).
\ Silvio P., of Marco Island, Fla., wants to know: Is midnight a.m. or p.m.?
Dear Silvio: Midnight and noon are boundaries, and neither should carry the label a.m. or p.m., from the Latin "ante meridian" and "post meridian."
"If you want to designate midnight with an a.m. or a p.m., you're in deep trouble," says LeRoy Doggett, chief of the nautical almanac office at the U.S. Naval Observatory.
But it's a legitimate issue: How, in common parlance, should we refer to the midnight that will occur between next Thursday and Friday? Is that midnight Thursday or midnight Friday?
We suggest you do what astronomers and army generals do: Call it "0 hours Friday."
That doesn't mean that there's any scientific basis for saying that midnight is part of the following day; that's just a practical way to end the ambiguity.
If the military jargon bothers you, just fudge the time and say 12:01 a.m. Friday. Then set your watch ahead a minute.
\ George W. of Chagrin Falls, Ohio, asks, "What is the origin of the game Tic-Tac-Toe?"
Dear George: Glad you asked, because Tic-Tac-Toe has always driven us crazy. It's such a dumb game. Every game ends in a draw, unless you or your opponent has tofu for brains. "Go Fish" is a game of genius compared to Tic-Tac-Toe.
But now that we've insulted it, we have to reveal that, according to Claudia Zaslavsky's book "Tic Tac Toe," it's really a very sophisticated game. Originally from ancient Egypt, it has spread around the world. It's called Noughts and Crosses in England, and Ecke Mecke Stecke in Austria, and Tripp Trapp Trull in Sweden.
It's a kid's game, obviously. The reason it has been so widespread is probably because it's a great way for kids to learn how to play games in general. There are tricks involved, decisions to be made, pitfalls to be avoided. The first player has a huge advantage. If the second player doesn't put a mark in the right place, the first player can set a trap that ensures victory. Kids have to learn to play defense, to see those traps coming. In so doing, strategic thinking is born.
Those kids go on in life to invent more glorious games. Where do you think we got Mutual Assured Destruction? Washington Post Writers Group
by CNB