Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, October 18, 1993 TAG: 9311110366
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
(All of you milksop liberals just stand easy until I explain the above.)
This machine may not have been the best example of representative government that we have seen in this Great Commonwealth, but it had a certain charm about it, and most of the time candidates didn't say terrible things about each other.
And it was simpler then. Once the Democrats had their summer gubernatorial primary everybody knew what was going to happen in November. There was little stress among the public or in election night newsrooms. Political writers rarely developed nervous tics or rashes.
(Incidentally, nobody in politics says ``Gret Comonwealth'' or ``mah opponent'' anymore. I miss these usages of the language, and I wonder if this lack of color might figure in the moral erosion of a modern Virginia political campaign.)
Back then, the electorate didn't get all these weird phone calls from people taking polls. They didn't do a whole lot of that then because, as we have seen, everybody knew who was going to win.
Today, already frantic from worrying about the ozone hole, voters get calls from pollsters who ask: ``Would you vote for Candidate A if you knew he had a serious gum disorder and refers to the family pet as `the baby dog?'''
I don't know how to answer a question like that. I am certain, however, that it is none of my business what Candidate A calls the dog in the privacy of his own home or whether he flosses like he ought to.
Back when I was younger and less hysterical, they didn't have television debates. These aren't debates at all. They don't resolve a thing, except, perhaps, the perspiration tendencies of both candidates.
I know that a lot of people think these debates are useful. I know for sure that they're dull and I'd switch to the latest Charlton Heston birthday festival, even it it meant looking at ``Ben Hur'' again.
A lot of people must do that. I don't hear a lot of people on the City Market saying things like: ``I think Candidate B did splendidly on gun control last night, didn't you?''
Naw. They're talking about how bad an actor Charlton Heston is, or the latest lottery, or ``Murphy Brown,'' or asking pitiably why their tomatoes were the size of golf balls this year.
Then, there are modern political television commercials that are so clever, you want to run amok in the streets. Besides being clever, understanding these commercials requires more knowledge of government than most of us have.
I will say quickly here that this ignorance is not a bad thing and we should try to retain it. Too much fooling around with government will drive you nuts. Just look at any legislative body in the country.
Here's a sample of a political commercial: ``In 1990, Candidate X voted against making the Ford Edsel the state automobile. What's he trying to hide?''
It beats me, pal. I'd like to know where he stands on gum disorders myself.
by CNB