Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, October 19, 1993 TAG: 9311230394
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Kathleen Wilson
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
``I just can't have you as my teacher in class and my lover in the dorms,'' emotes Andrea.
``Oh, God!'' shrieks Stacey Schnure, who's curled up in a chair wearing Snoopy slippers. ``Doesn't that sound like a good name for a country song?''
Andrea, of course, is part of the cast of ``Beverly Hills 90210,'' the show where all the girls wear crop tops while spewing really insipid dialogue to each another via cordless phones.
Stacey is one of the cast of characters who gather every Wednesday night in the lounge of Marian Hall at Roanoke College 24153 to watch the show. It's such a ritual that resident directors and advisers have had to abandon dormitory activities on Wednesday nights.
When I was in college, it was ``General Hospital.'' I dropped math the semester Luke and Laura got married. (It was, after all, the wedding of the century.)
But with all the comments flying around the room to the TV screen, watching ``Beverly Hills 90210'' is more reminiscent of a midnight showing of ``The Rocky Horror Picture Show.''
``You can't let your whole life go down the drain just because you're a campus deejay,'' Donna tells David in Beverly Hills.
``Do something with your hair! You're stressing me out!'' Krista Everett squealed at Donna, played by Tori Spelling, who we all agreed is hands down the most annoying character (and worst actress) on the show.
Wait a minute. That's probably too limiting.
Make that the most annoying character and worst actress in the history of television.
``Where'd she buy that laugh?'' Stacey wanted to know.
It was a quintessential ``90210'' episode. Last Wednesday night, Dylan decided to buy a new car and wrestled with his conscience about whether or not to buy American. Kelly broke up with him because she wanted to See Other People. Andrea lost her virginity. And Brenda went out with some guy named Stuart, after moaning to her parents, ``Between work and school I'll be lucky if I have one date this entire year.''
During Brenda and Stuart's first date, the gang at Roanoke College provided the play-by-play.
``Gosh, we're lucky if a guy takes us on a run to Krispy Kreme,'' Krista said wistfully, watching Brenda and Stuart order a bottle of champagne at a restaurant that would make The Library look like Shoney's.
``No, on the first date, they take us somewhere like Shaker's,'' corrected Shannon Redmond. ``Once they've got us hooked, we're lucky if they take us to McDonald's.''
And when Brenda asked what they were celebrating, Stuart had the audacity to reply, ``How about the ice between us breaking?'' which caused the Roanoke College crowd to scream.
``She just can't fall for a guy this corny! Guys this corny are always too good to be true!'' Shannon said with disgust, admonishing Brenda on the screen.
Between more gems from Stuart - like ``Slow dances with me are like potato chips. You won't be able to stop after just one'' and ``Do you have any plans for the rest of the week? What about the rest of your life?'' - Nicole Riley burst into the lounge to announce she'd gotten an A on her public administration midterm.
But the gang in the lounge was more concerned with filling Nicole in on the really important stuff she'd missed. Now that Andrea and her English teacher are doing more than discussing Faulkner, Shannon predicts she will drop English.
``Are you serious?'' Krista moaned.
``But don't you think the drop-add period is probably over?'' speculated Stacey.
The best thing about ``Beverly Hills 90210'' on Wednesday nights is that ``Melrose Place'' follows immediately. It's two hours of really great bad TV.
On that show, we got to hear Jake mourn, ``I'm not a piece of meat,'' which prompted Nicole to call him a ``twit with a capital T.''
Billy, on the other hand . . .
``I LOVE Billy!'' declared Nicole.
``Billy is the BEST!'' sighed Krista.
Shannon, ever the realist, shakes her head and states, ``Billys just don't exist.''
Stacey tells me the place to be during Melrose Place is over at one of the Roanoke College fraternities.
``They order pizza from the Pizza Hut on Melrose Avenue when they watch `Melrose Place,''' she revealed.
``Melrose Place'' and ``Beverly Hills 90210'' aren't the only cool shows to watch on TV. Roanoke College students are also closet ``Partridge Family'' fanatics and can burst into ``I Think I Love You'' at the drop of a hat.
``Keith is SO dreamy,'' drooled Stacey.
She's also proud of the time she met Barry Williams of ``Brady Bunch'' fame at a campus activities conference and got his autograph.
During a ``90210'' commercial, she jumped up and demonstrated how the Bradys danced.
``You know why they dance like this?'' she asked, moving in that groovy one- step Brady rhythm.
``He told us that was the only step Peter could learn.''
\ The Roanoke Symphony Polo Cup.
The Smith Mountain Lake Home Tour.
Affair in the Square.
Yes, this season's Three Schmoozes are over.
The totally sold-out 10th anniversary Affair in the Square got rave reviews. If you missed it, the spirit of this party will live on forever on the floors of each museum, where gobs of the glitter that folks tossed by the handful is now ground into the carpets.
I met a guy named Don Wilson, who looks just like Jerry Seinfeld. And I finally tracked down Eric Fitzpatrick, who just returned from a month of painting in Europe, to find out what he brought me back. (Nothing.)
The crowd attending this event - which is a lot like a prom only with beer and wine - usually finds some fairly creative ways to interpret the ``black tie optional'' dress code.
Take Luke Church's batik bow tie.
It was handmade by his girlfriend, Susan Sowers.
``She's making me a cummerbund to match.''
by CNB