Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, November 1, 1993 TAG: 9311030396
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
I mean, come on, Ted. The Michael Shaara book the flick is based on takes about that much time to read.
And you can read it in bed and not feel your bodily sensations and your very will to live slipping away in one of those dinky theater seats they have these days. And you can take your own intermissions whenever you want. And your refrigerator is cheaper than the snack bar.
Shaara's book, ``The Killer Angels,'' has a better title and if you cry while reading it, you won't be sobbing because your back is killing you from sitting so long.
And I can't imagine Martin Sheen as Robert Edward Lee. That's kind of like casting Dudley Moore as George Gordon Meade.
Honestly. You'd think Jane would have said something to old Ted about making a movie that keeps people inert for that period of time. I can't imagine this being good for the lower body or the old abs or the old pecs.
Incidentally, I wouldn't invest four hours and eight minutes of whatever time I have left if Jane had been cast as George Pickett.
It's not Ted's fault, but I still have horrible memories of ``Gone With The Wind.'' That movie was so long I thought I had entered another time-space continuum and would never see my mother again.
I begged my sister to let me go home at intermission. She said she had paid for the tickets and wasn't going to suffer through the rest of this alone.
By the time Olivia de Havilland died, I didn't care anymore and a cynicism that would haunt me for a lifetime took root in the darkened theater. I mean, I was glad Olivia was gone. It meant the movie was closer to the end.
If I could have gotten in there with a machine gun, I would have ended it all a long time before Rhett walked out on Scarlett. This kind of reaction is frightening in a young, impressionable lad, who really admired old Olivia.
There is evidence that I am not alone. That movie left its cruel mark on others in my generation. Look around. There are people my age who develop facial tics the minute you mention the burning of Atlanta. Grown men shudder if you bring up Ashley Wilkes.
The sad thing is that I looked forward to a movie based on ``The Killer Angels'' - hoping they would leave out what the 20th Maine did at and about Little Round Top. I had no idea it would take longer to play than your average professional football game.
Four hours and eight minutes is too much to ask, Ted.
That's an awful lot of quality leaf-removal time.
You got any idea if how many windows you can clean with that kind of time?
You can paint the walls in the bedroom with time like that.
But hey, Ted, I'll bet you're the greatest charging up that hill.
I've read the book, forget about the movie
by CNB