Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, November 22, 1993 TAG: 9311230404
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
This blonde with the 18-inch waist has done everything to turn a buck or have her way with people. Besides the profit she'll get from her new adventure, it will help fulfill her psychotic need to show off.
Here's a doll who likes to live it up and not look back. Do you think, for example, that she ever thought of asking Ken to go with her? No. It's probably just as well. I don't know how the queen might take a chap like Ken - especially since he's started wearing earrings. He didn't want to do that. Barbie wheedled him into it, for some dark, perverted reason.
Old Ken won't make the trip. He's in a bar somewhere, looking at the past through the bottom of a shot glass and singing country songs badly.
They say his liver is gone, that he thinks he has a jukebox in his head and that his rendition of ``Diggin' Up Bones'' is pretty bad.
Poor old Ken. He never had it made in any department, did he? The dollmakers made him look like Dan Quayle long before most people knew what Dan Quayle looked like.
This latest business assumes that Barbie got a royal invitation. I think not, chaps. I think she had some new pictures of Princess Diana in her exercise clothes and bribed her way into Windsor Castle with them.
(Incidentally, some of those pictures already released seemed to indicate that the princess doesn't look awfully good in exercise clothes. She certainly has no 18-inch waist. But then one doesn't anticipate being photographed in one's exercise clothing, does one?
(I certainly hope some rotter with a camera never catches me doing the jolly old abdominal crunch exercise. Wot?)
The Royal Invitation Barbie Doll costs $49.49. Most of this goes for the dress she'll be wearing. It's really quite appalling. Quite trashy, actually. It's mostly pink, you see.
Actually, it's a ``glamorous fuchsia satin gown with black and pink diamond print tulle overskirt and a black petticoat.''
She also has this funny looking thing on her head.
I would hope that the queen - who dresses like Olivia Walton or your Aunt Zelda and would swoon at the mention of a black petticoat - is going to be quite put off when Barbie is presented.
I hope she is going to ask her appointments secretary or the Duke of York or the Royal Equerry or somebody to explain how this over-dressed piece of baggage with the funny looking thing on her head got into the castle.
It would serve Barbie right, and I would hope somebody would tell Ken about this royal rejection. It should will make him feel a little better; although the blighter would feel sorry for her.
I do wish there was some way to get Ken an audience with the queen, but there's fat chance of that.
The poor beggar hasn't a tuxedo or a suit of morning clothes to his bloody name.
by CNB