Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, November 22, 1993 TAG: 9311260203
SECTION: NEWSFUN PAGE: NF1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: WENDI GIBSON RICHERT NEWSFUN WRITER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
Katie has known for a long time that her birth parents are not the parents she loves and lives with now. And she says that's OK, because she understands why some children are adopted.
Her family has read the book ``The Mulberry Bird'' by Anne Braff Brodzinsky. It's about a mother bird who realizes she is not able to care for her babies. She goes to a wise owl, who tells her of a family who can care for them. This family would love to have a family of their own.
So the mother bird takes her babies to the family. She is sad to see her babies go, but she knows they won't be hungry anymore. And she knows they'll grow up to be healthy and happy birds.
This story is sad, but it does have a happy ending. The same is true of the families of people who adopt children every day. Some mothers cannot feed, clothe and protect their babies when they are born, so they find someone who can. When they know they have found a good home for their young, they place them for adoption.
Yes, these mothers are sad to say goodbye, but they are satisfied in knowing that someone can care for their babies in a way they could not. And the families who can care for them, like Katie's, are eager and delighted to do it.
To children who are not adopted, living with parents who are not your birth parents can seem strange. These children often ask adopted children questions because they are curious. Sometimes these questions are OK because they don't hurt anybody's feelings.
Katie says her friends at Back Creek Elementary School don't ask her many questions about being adopted, but she is asked a few.
Some of her friends want to know, for instance, what her name is in Korean. She tells them Cho, Ok Ran (pronounced cho-o-kron). Her parents named her Katherine Ran when she came home with them eight years ago.
She also has been asked why she doesn't look like her parents. But she doesn't mind telling people she was born in Korea and her parents were born in the United States. Her sister, Mandy, says her second-grade classmates ask her the same questions about Katie.
The silliest of questions came when Katie was a baby and someone asked her dad if Katie would grow up to speak Korean. Katie thinks that's a ``really weird'' question. ``People usually learn to speak the language that's around them,'' Katie says. Because her family and friends speak English every day, she does, too.
Katie is lucky. Some people do ask adopted children questions that can hurt their feelings. Kelly and Richard Bennett of Roanoke have adopted four children - two are from Korea and two are from the United States. Kelly asked one of her sons, Joshua, what kind of questions he is asked by his friends. Joshua, who also is 8 and was born in Korea, had been asked a lot.
Sometimes he's asked where his real parents are. Joshua tells them, ``I live with them.'' Real parents are the people who love and take care of you, explains Joshua's mom. There's a difference between ``real'' parents and birth parents.
Joshua also has been asked if his siblings are his real brothers and sisters. Yes, he tells them. They live in the same house, get in fights, make up and play together. They may not share the same birth parents, but they are still brothers and sisters in their family in Roanoke.
Like Katie, Joshua doesn't think about adoption much. Both are busy going to school and doing Tae Kwon Do. Katie loves to read and play the piano, and Joshua loves to ride his bike. Both have plenty more to think about.
One day when they grow up, they may think more about being adopted. They might decide to find and meet their birth parents. Or they might decide to visit the country where they were born. But that's a decision only they can make, and it's not something people should ask them now.
Katie says that if she could tell people anything about adoption, she'd ``tell them that they should not ask questions unless they think about them first.'' Some people blurt out questions ``that could really hurt a person's feelings.''
``They should ask nicely,'' she says.
Some questions Katie thinks are OK to ask are:
What country were you born in?
What's your birth name?
How old were you when you came to the United States?
Remember, though, that someone who is adopted doesn't have to give you answers unless he or she wants to. And, many of the questions you may want to ask are probably none of your business - such as, ``where are your birth parents?'' ``who are your birth parents?'' and ``do you want to find them?''
The important thing to remember about adopted kids is that their lives aren't much different from kids' who are not adopted. They go to school, do their homework, play outside, watch TV, and even back-talk and get in trouble. They're just regular kids, too.
by CNB