Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, November 23, 1993 TAG: 9311230041
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Neil Chethik
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
(1) "Men Who Hate Women."
(2) "Men Who Claim Not to Hate Women but Trust Me They Are Lying."
(3) "Men Who OK, Maybe They Don't Hate All Women, but They Definitely Cannot Stand You."
Apparently, these books are out of print, but the publishing industry is churning out scores of other tomes about men and work, men and sex, men and marriage, men and children, men and myths, men and religion, men and women, and men and men. Amen.
Some of these are actually good enough to recommend as holiday gifts. So here goes:
The best big-picture perspective on men is Sam Keen's "Fire in the Belly," now in paperback (Bantam, $12.50). Nearly three years after its publication, the book still offers a timely, balanced look at the struggle Western men face in relation to women, work, war and other aspects of our culture.
Keen creates the vision of a "fierce gentleman," a man who makes commitments, forges bonds, puts down roots, and "translates the feeling of empathy and compassion into an action of caring."
John Lee's "The Flying Boy" (Health Communications, $7.95) is less philosophical, and equally powerful. It focuses on Lee's personal struggle to understand himself and his masculinity so he can create healthy relationships with women.
While Lee's writing is occasionally awkward, he more than compensates with a rawness and honesty that is rare in men's literature. He opens his soul so others can contrast it with their own.
For fathers with sons, there's Don and Jeanne Elium's "Raising a Son" (Beyond Words, $10.95). Using common sense and new research, it emphasizes the need for fathers to spend a lot of time with their growing sons, especially during the boy's transition into adolescence. Fathers will also gain insight into their own upbringings.
Nicky Marone's "How to Father a Successful Daughter" (Fawcett, $4.95) is a thoughtful and readable guide to understanding the father-daughter bond. Marone, a former middle-school teacher, challenges fathers to let go of stereotypes so they can encourage a daughter's curiosity, ambition and healthy sexuality.
For readers with an interest in gender politics, three diverse books make the gift list:
John Stoltenberg's "Refusing to Be a Man" (NAL/Dutton, $10) is a challenge for conservatives. Stoltenberg believes men can be liberated only by making justice their primary goal. Privileged men, he says, must actively reject the masculine role that encourages them to dominate women, nature and economically weaker men.
Warren Farrell's "The Myth of Male Power" (Simon & Schuster, $23) is a challenge for liberals and feminists. It argues that men are oppressed, and their liberation can come only when they speak out about unfair child-custody laws, the male-only draft, men's shorter life spans and other issues.
Jawanza Kunjufu's "Countering the Conspiracy to Destroy Black Boys" (African-American Images, $4.95) is a challenge to all of us. In just 38 pages, Kunjufu offers a convincing synopsis of the dire socialization process that young black males undergo. He also offers practical actions that blacks and whites can take to end the conspiracy.
Once you've finished this serious stuff, pick up "King, Warrior, Magician, Weenie" (Crossing Press, $12.95), edited by cartoonist Peter Sinclair. This lively collection of poems, essays, columns and artwork pokes sharp, good-hearted humor at the men's movement.
In one excerpt, Joe Bob Briggs tells of a harrowing experience at a men's in-the-woods weekend: "I'll never forget it. I sweated a lot. I cried. I sweated WHILE I was crying. Of course, I was crying because they made me sweat so much."
\ MALE CALL
Men and women: For a future column on collections (stamps, coins, baseball cards, etc.), I'm collecting lists of the ordinary and bizarre things men and women collect. Send them, or comments and questions, to VoiceMale, P.O. Box 8071, Lexington, Ky. 40533-8071.
by CNB