
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, December 29, 1993                   TAG: 9401140031
SECTION: EDITORIAL                    PAGE: A10   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: LISA S. MARTIN
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

HELP TEEN-AGERS DEAL WITH SEXUALITY

I READ with interest both the Nov. 18 news article by Beth Macy entitled ``Pregnant and proud'' and the anticipated verbal sparring that it engendered. It seems to me that both sides lack an understanding of the central issue: physical maturation vs. societal expectations.

Less than half a decade ago, it was neither uncommon nor a stigma to be married at the age of 17. My maternal grandmother was married at 13 and had two children by the time she was 17. Her situation was and has been echoed in rural areas across this country for decades, perhaps even centuries.

Suddenly (within the past 25 years) we're asking young people to wait. Go to college, then get married, then have sex is the message. Based on both my experience and my observations, anyone who can suppress his very natural sexual drives for that long either has a very low drive to start with or incredible self-control.

My point is that society has redefined the rules for behavior without realizing that the body and its physical self haven't changed. Whether we like it or not, sexual desire begins in adolescence. Stigmatizing these natural desires is not going to change their existence.

The solution to the problem of unwanted pregnancy and sexual promiscuity in young people isn't to stigmatize them. Instead, we need to treat our youth with respect and teach them what is and what is not acceptable behavior: it is acceptable to have sexual desires and to find healthy and safe outlets for them (masturbation, for one); it is not acceptable to disregard the health risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Adolescents and teen-agers are not stupid; in fact, they're quite intelligent and thoughtful when treated respectfully. Fifty years ago a 16-year-old was as likely to be married as not. Today, we won't even allow an 18-year-old to drink a beer. No wonder our children are getting mixed messages. We tell them to grow up and act like adults, but we continue to treat them as children. Having sex is adult behavior; doing so without thought to responsibility and consequences is childish.

We need to stop finger-pointing and name-calling, behavior as irresponsible as thoughtless sex. Instead, we should educate, practice understanding, and stop hiding behind religious and moral self-righteousness. It's our only chance to change the course of events.

Lisa S. Martin of Woolwine is in public relations at Courtaulds Performance Films in Martinsville.

by CNB