
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, March 7, 1994                   TAG: 9403070135
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

ADVICE FOR DEALING WITH ICE

At this point in time, as we certainly never said in Radford, I hope you won't need my expert advice for handling an ice storm. Never. Ever. World without end.

But, as we did say in Radford all the time and to the point of nausea, you never can tell. So, read on.

Optimism, as far as I know, does nothing to prevent ice storms, but it may help maintain your mental health. When an ice storm starts, for example, say cheerful things like: "Nah, all this stuff will melt by suppertime. You'll see."

If a limb from your favorite silver maple falls on the deck while you are making the coffee and feeding the cat at 6 a.m., don't leap around the kitchen saying obscene things.

Think something good: "See how Mother Nature tests the mettle of mortal persons, reminding us that we are but poor pawns in the Grand Plan for the Universe."

Keep this thought, if possible, for the rest of the day as every tree in the side yard deteriorates and fall down by degrees.

When relatives call, before the electricity goes off, try to refrain from crying and describing your yard as "a battleground." Tears or cliches aren't going to help a lot.

You may need a new and extremely nice thought when you move the Cherokee because a locust across the street seems to be menacing it.

The Cherokee stalls in the circle at the end of Happy Highfields Road. Two courageous, kind, compassionate, forthright and strong young neighbors help you push it out of the way of traffic, which is pretty scarce because the road is beginning to ice.

(I don't know which one of these guys is going to be president one of these days, but the one who doesn't make it to the White House will be the next Kevin Costner or invent the cure for the common cold.)

And the kind men from the garage come with the wrecker, and one of them, in a kindly manner, says you flooded it, and it is now up and running, as we computer experts say.

Trees are falling everywhere by now, and you should be philosophical. You should tell yourself: "Mother Nature likes to see what persons who walk the Earth are made of, and we should be not be found wanting."

I have to go have a good cry now, If you see Mother Nature, tell her to butt out and leave us alone and that she owes me half a dozen good trees.

by CNB