Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, September 12, 1994 TAG: 9409150004
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
In case you have been lost in the rain forest for several years, you need to know that Joe Jackson is the father of Michael Jackson - which also makes him the father of LaToya Jackson, the poor beggar.
(There used to be five Jacksons, but I don't know where they are today - for which I am extremely grateful.
(Although it has little to do with our subject today, I would like to say that Janet Jackson, who looks a lot in the face like Michael Jackson, has a remarkable midriff. I think she's on the old NordicTrack maybe 60 minutes a day. I do 20 a day and wouldn't show my midriff to anybody. Janet also has a nice smile.)
But, getting back to Maury, it seems that Joe Jackson was to discuss the marriage of Michael and Lisa Marie Presley. I don't think Joe said a whole lot.
I'm not sorry to have missed this interview that explored one of the towering issues of our time.
Still, it's not every day you can get that kind of information. So what if we continue to sink ever deeper into the slime of the modern television talk show?
Gosh, Maury. We owe you for that one. There probably are thousands of people out there who will sit in front of the gas logs in their golden years and tell their grandchildren that they heard it from Joe Jackson's mouth.
You just keep it up, Maury. Don't let malcontents like old yours truly here keep you from illuminating the times in which we live.
Never mind that I wouldn't care a bippy if aliens with questionable taste came down and took Joe, Michael, Lisa Marie and LaToya to perform experiments on them on a distant, dangerous asteroid.
Maybe they'd take Geraldo Rivera and Oprah, too. And all the young children who are thinking about being talk-show hosts when they grow up.
Still, we love you, Maury, for not having three very obese people on your show who hate each other and have adventures we can't mention here.
Why are all these people who have these unmentionable adventures portly? I don't know. Maybe skinny people don't go for that kind of stuff. Or don't eat enough to sustain such behavior.
Now, Maury, what's this dreadful business about these scoundrels selling Kim Basinger's bank in Braselton, Ga.?
Let's see what Joe Jackson has to say about that.
by CNB