Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, September 18, 1994 TAG: 9409200002
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Kevin Kittredge
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
They battled through problems - and won.
``Anybody who says they don't have a problem in their marriage, one of the spouses is dead,'' said Robert Rudd. ``The biggest time of growth in anyone's life is when you wrestle through problems. It taught us what love is all about.''
They married while still in college. Priscilla Rudd was in her teens. ``He didn't want to lose me,'' she joked. Contrary to the expectations of some relatives, they continued their educations, working odd jobs until Robert Rudd graduated from Virginia Tech in 1976.
``We were so tight we would budget for ice cream,'' said Robert Rudd of those days.
After his graduation he worked at Tech's physical plant until his wife finished her own degree in nursing at Radford University two years later.
Finally, he got a good job in Charlottesville. She went to work at a hospital there.
Their money troubles eased - but the marriage hit the rocks.
In Charlottesville, life was suddenly more complex.
``I had come from very traditional family values,'' said Robert Rudd. ``We were sorting through our roles with each other.'' He had to learn to treat his wife as an equal, he said, ``and it was a hard thing to learn.''
There were other problems. Eventually, she moved out. Instead of living as man and wife, for a few weeks the Rudds just went on dates.
``I remember one thing Priscilla said - we need each other to help each other with our problems,'' said Robert Rudd of that time. ``That one statement really stayed with me.''
``I think every marriage can end up in divorce,'' Priscilla Rudd said. ``But if you're committed, you set out to love the person you're married to again. If you're looking for someone to meet your needs, you'll get divorced pretty often. You're in the marriage for the other person, not just to have your needs met.''
One night he told her that he loved her unconditionally, whatever her faults. For Priscilla Rudd, that was the turning point.
She moved back in.
At that point, ``Everything started to jell, and started to make sense,'' said Robert Rudd. ``Everything started clicking into place for a change.''
Priscilla Rudd ranks the next year as a high point of their marriage. They had moved to Winston-Salem, N.C. - Robert Rudd had a new job - and life there proved unusually rich.
Their troubles had made it easier to relate to other people, the Rudds believe. Pride had tumbled, and the barriers it can erect against human contact were all down.
``We had come out of such hard times, we made such close friends,'' said Priscilla Rudd.
Robert Rudd now works for Litton Poly-Scientific in Blacksburg as an industrial buyer. Priscilla Rudd works at Montgomery Regional Hospital.
They have three children - Robert III, 13, Courtney, 11, and Aaron, 8. ``They're a gift,'' their father says.
All these years later, are they glad they stuck it out?
``Yes,'' said Robert Rudd
``Oh, yes,'' said Priscilla Rudd, smiling.
``Any person you marry, it's going to be the same thing again,'' she said. ``They're going to have faults.''
``We know people who've been married several times, and we wonder, `What are you looking for?''' said Robert Rudd. ``That elusive butterfly of love. They'll be looking for it all their lives.''
by CNB