
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SATURDAY, January 8, 1994                   TAG: 9401080073
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: C11   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ann Landers
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

TOUGHLOVE OFFERS PARENTS SUPPORT

DEAR ANN: I had mixed emotions after reading the letter from the parents of a rebellious 17-year-old girl. They finally regained control of their home and marriage after letting their daughter know she was not going to break them up.

My husband and I have been there. In fact, we are still there, fighting for and with our son, who is also 17. He is in high school and, therefore, our legal responsibility.

The reason I'm writing is because so many people confuse the words "tough love" with the organization Toughlove. Toughlove is an organization with chapters all over the world. It is a nonprofit educational organization offering self-help materials to parents, kids in trouble and professionals who work with them.

Toughlove is an effective self-help program for the parents of unruly young people. It is a combination of philosophy and action, which together can help parents change and get control of their families again.

Toughlove is a network of parents helping other parents bring change into the lives of their young people who are incorrigible, uncontrollable, addicted, physically or verbally abusive, in trouble at school, in trouble with the law and/or destroying the family.

Toughlove does NOT advocate or support physical or verbal abuse, nor does it advocate kicking kids out. We give them options that will protect their safety and help us live up to our responsibilities. The reality is that they may not choose our options.

We are NOT professional counselors. We do not tell people what to do. We can make suggestions and share experiences. Each group can recommend helpful professionals from its own resource lists.

We have no affiliation with any religious or political group.

We are not a therapy group. We are a support group.

We cannot give people immediate solutions for their problems. Those problems do not show up overnight, and no one should expect overnight solutions. What we can do is show these troubled individuals that they are not alone and that they do have rights and worth and deserve to be treated with respect.

We have a "process for change" that can be used as a guide for those who want it. We offer supportive confrontation and selective support to help people make changes in their lives, first for parents who seek it and second for teen-agers who will cooperate.

Please tell your readers that if they want further information, they can send a stamped, self-addressed, long envelope to Toughlove, P.O. Box 1069, Doylestown, Pa. 18901 or call (800) 333-1069. Thanks, Ann. WARREN, OHIO CHAPTER OF TOUGHLOVE

DEAR WARREN: Thank you for laying it out in clear, concise language that everyone can understand.

I was one of the first supporters when Toughlove was started by Phyllis and David York in 1979. They have done a marvelous job and have earned the everlasting gratitude of thousands of parents and their children.

by CNB