Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, January 18, 1994 TAG: 9401190010
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: EXTRA EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Kathleen Wilson
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
Ally Gray, who goes to Raleigh Court Elementary School, is the Roanoke Valley's Most Politically Correct 6-year-old. Last February Ally greeted a black woman entering a store at a shopping center with a big smile and ``Happy Black History Month!''
A Sir Walter Raleigh award to Richard Formato who, incidentally, is the guy who found his lost dog after launching a major advertising blitz.
Richard didn't quite give me the shirt off his back, but did gallantly produce a fresh-from-the-dry-cleaner shirt from the trunk of his car for me to wear over my dress one night at Billy's Ritz.
Naturally I wanted to return the shirt in the same fashion I received it: clean. So I took it to A Cleaner World on Brandon Avenue.
This dry cleaning establishment receives this year's Rona Barrett Award for gossip. (Last year it went to the entire city of Salem.)
There were spots on the shirt that I didn't think were there when I'd dropped it off.
A bunch of women took the shirt and held a summit.
``Did you borrow this shirt?'' one finally asked.
Well, yes ...
``Who from?''
``Uh, Richard Formato,'' I answered, sure that I was going to be read my Miranda rights.
``We know it's his shirt,'' they said. ``The spots were on there before.''
``You know, he has better shirts he could have let you wear,'' one of the women said.
Lots of questions were asked about how I came to get this shirt.
From the trunk of his car! Honest! I have witnesses! Three of them, in fact!
Guys around town testify that there isn't a man who lives here in Roanoke who doesn't have at least a ``low-grade crush'' on Patty Nuckles. The feminine half of Random Acts of Sax seems to be the Woman Most Men Want To Date.
Awards for Vigilance Above and Beyond the Call of Duty go the bouncers at Ward's Rock Cafe and the Park. Both recently turned folks away not for being underage, but for being overlubricated.
The fact that Mayor David Bowers once worked as a waiter at New Orleans world-famous Cafe du Monde during Mardi Gras is the Best Thing I Ever Learned By Eavesdropping.
It is, quite seriously, one of the more demanding restaurant jobs I can imagine. Cafe du Monde is an outdoor cafe that's open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, and serves strong coffee and hot beignets. It's always packed.
A Standing Ovation for Mill Mountain Coffee and Tea, the Wildflour Cafe and Murphy's Of Course for doing more than their share of not only donating free food for just about any fund-raiser when asked, but also giving their very best eats.
The Party I Didn't Go To, But Was Asked the Most Questions About was called the Hooker's Ball. The invitation asked that ``harlots of the night and pandering male counterparts dress for the occasion with some lechery in mind.''
It also declared ``proper promiscuous apparel and invitation were a must.''
No, it wasn't for real hookers. It was just a bunch of guys - I won't embarrass by naming - dying to hang out with scantily clad women.
The Sleaziest Thing I Ever Did in the Name of Mingling? Judging that repulsive Bikini Open down at Smith Mountain Lake.
This year's Ebenezer Scrooge Award goes to local Republicans for George Allen, who wouldn't let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. (Translation: they wouldn't let me come to their fund-raiser.)
Fairy Tales Can Come True, It Could Happen To You, oas it did for Kathy Sikkema. She's the former Tech grad student who met Prince Charming during a 20-minute layover at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport.
Kathy lived in Wisconsin. Prince Charming lived in New Jersey.
They married last summer in Wisconsin where he relocated his business, and are living happily ever after.
The Most Disastrous Theme Party was last year's Mardi Gras party thrown by the Roanoke Jaycees.
Party-goers were supposed to arrive in costume. But no one - not even the Jaycees themselves - arrived in costume.
Sam Giles from WROV-FM was on hand to judge the nonexistent costume contest, but decided if there was a contest, the winners would have to be the security guards ... who came dressed as, yes, security guards.
On the other hand, my Favorite Fund-Raiser was the Roanoke Jaycees' inaugural Roanoke Valley Wine Festival, held last year at Hollins College to raise money for the Roanoke Symphony.
But the County of Roanoke Rained On Their Parade by not granting permission for this elegant, fun and tasteful event to be held on the polo grounds. Replacing the local Marine Corps as the Folks I Most Enjoy Mingling With, well, it's a tie between members of the Peters Creek Church of the Brethren and the group of employees who lost their jobs when the Kroger Bakery shut down. Both groups embody the fellowship that makes Roanoke a great place to live.
The Only Women's Group I've Ever Wanted to Join is the Tea Sippers - the group of transplanted British women who get together every month. They're absolutely charming and wickedly funny.
The Person I Most Wished I Worked For is 9-year-old Zach Wimmer. When I showed up at his house to interview him, Zach assumed that I was such a big-shot journalist with this Daily Planet that he met me at the door with, ``Do you drive a Lamborghini?!''
Wade Pollard is the Bravest Man I Know for actually handing over the keys to his black Jaguar and letting me drive it after the British Auto Club's road rally.
The Funniest Letter I got last year came from an inmate at the Keen Mountain Correctional Center. He parodied my entire New Year's Eve column from last year:
``When no one called me a few weeks ago to ask me out - you know, no incoming calls are allowed at the Keen Mountain Correctional Center - for New Year's Eve ... .
``Wanna know how many invitations I had to mingle on New Year's Eve?
``Not one.''
by CNB