Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, January 30, 1994 TAG: 9401300092
SECTION: VIRGINIA PAGE: D-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE:
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Ho-hum. Another Super Bowl Sunday, another appearance by those dreadful Buffalo Bills.
We suppose there is some drama in this repeat of last year's Dallas-Buffalo blowout. Unfortunately, it's the kind that normally crops up in melodramatic previews for soap operas:
Will Buffalo, after losing three Super Bowls in a row, finally snap its losing streak?
Or will the Bills endure the ignominy of becoming the first team in pro sports history to lose the Big One four straight times?
And will Brooke tell the truth about who fathered her unborn baby or will Maria continue to believe that it's Edmund?
Oops, wrong plot.
You get the picture.
So what can you do today, rather than sit around to see how much Dallas can roll up the score?
You could go to the movies (be sure to check out "Schindler's List"). You could read a good book (we hear "Smilla's Sense of Snow" is first-rate).
Or you could . . .
Study up on President Clinton's and Governor Allen's tough-on-crime proposals.
Hey, they want to give felons only three-strikes-and-you're-out.
So how come the Buffalo Bills get a fourth chance?
Now a crime.
Change your tires.
You don't want to see a blowout at the Georgia Dome? You don't want to see a blowout on Interstate 81.
Take a drive in the country.
Cruise out by Explore Park's buffalo farm on Rutrough Road. If you're up for a real adventure, head out through Craig County on Virginia 311 to Paint Bank, hang a left on Virginia 600 and take a peek at Wall Street trader John Mulheren's big spread where he's raising buffalo.
Those may be the only places today where you see buffalo being slaughtered.
Take a child to the zoo.
Check out the Japanese macaques leaping back and forth in their cage at the Mill Mountain Zoo. You think the Buffalo Bills have a monkey on their back? Here are monkeys that have each other on their backs.
Watch a sunset.
Don't all good cowboys eventually ride into one?
Go out to eat.
You could go to one of those new Texas steak places that have popped up.
Or you could go to 309 First Street on the City Market and order a buffalo burger.
Eat some buffalo wings.
Remember, beneath all that fire, a buffalo wing is just plain chicken.
Go to a video arcade.
Feed a dollar to the change machine. You're more likely to get four full quarters of action from your bill than you are to get four quarters out of the Buffalo variety.
Watch a John Wayne movie.
Even the most violent cowboys in those movies are certain to be more merciful than the Dallas Cowboys will be on the Bills.
Rent "Silence of the Lambs."
The bad guy - named Buffalo Bill - sews, raises butterflies, wears a nipple ring and wants to be a girl. Only takes 118 minutes for the good guys to slaughter him.
The Super Bowl will stretch on for at least another hour.
Watch a boxing match on TV.
At least those referees stop the contest when it's out of hand.
Tape the game on your VCR - just in case.
If Buffalo somehow pulls this one out, you'll kick yourself for missing it.
- DWAYNE YANCEY, BRIAN DEVIDO and KATHLEEN WILSON.
by CNB