Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, February 14, 1994 TAG: 9402150024
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A7 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Monty S. Leitch
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Dear Ms. Cellany: Why is Valentine's Day so popular? Signed, W.T.K, Gogginsville, Va.
Dear W.T.K.: Ms. Cellany has always been a bit baffled by this phenomenon herself. However, this year she is delighted to report that she has the answer!
Chocolate.
Chocolate? you will be saying to yourself. But what about greeting cards? What about lacy underwear and red hearts cut from construction paper? What about Hallmark Hall of Fame specials on TV? Are these not also contributing factors in this most commercial of all commercializations?
Indeed, Ms. Cellany replies. Indeed.
And yet, is it not also the deepest and truest of truths that chocolate hath powers to soothe the savage breast? Is there not embodied in the giving and receiving of chocolate the most sublime of all motives?
I think you, gentle reader, will understand to what Ms. Cellany refers.
Dear Ms. Cellany: I've read that Valentine's Day has nothing to do with saints at all. Could this possibly be true? Signed, A.S.D., Round Bottom, Va.
Dear A.S.D: Sad, but true.
And Ms. Cellany is not ashamed to admit that she sought referential assistance in determining the sad truth of this matter.
Although two saints called Valentine are commemorated on this date, neither, sadly, can be connected with the courting traditions associated with our modern chocolate rituals. However, it is true that both Valentines were martyred, sadly enough within a year of each other.
The custom of billet-doux, which accompanies our modern chocolate-sharing, is thought to have originated with the festival Lupercalia, honoring the goddess Februata Juno. For further information on this fascinating festival, which originally involved the binding up of young men in the streets, Ms. Cellany refers the interested reader to the aforementioned referential source.
Dear Ms. Cellany: What are billet-doux? Signed, S.W.A.K., Gala, Va.
Dear S.W.A.K.: For the answer to this fascinating query, Ms. Cellany again refers the gentle reader to the aforementioned referential source.
Dear Ms. Cellany: Why do we have to go to school on Valentine's Day? Signed, W.E.D., Mustoe, Va.
Dear W.E.D.: Ms. Cellany is sad to report that although numerous attempts have been made in both Congress and the General Assembly to have Valentine's Day declared a legal holiday, powerful forces in the chocolate lobby have, every time, defeated legislative overtures.
Operating in a loose affiliation with powerful forces from the roses-by-the-dozen lobby and a mysterious group known only as "The H" (thought to be supported by a certain well-known greeting card manufacturer in Kansas City, Mo.), the chocolate lobby has effectively affected numerous filibusters, the effect of which have been the defeat of all legal holiday proceedings.
Sources close to the White House suggest that postal workers have opposed the measures, as well.
Ms. Cellany knows this is sad, but it's true.
\ Monty S. Leitch is a Roanoke Times & World-News columnist.
by CNB