Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SUNDAY, February 20, 1994                   TAG: 9402170083
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: KNIGHT-RIDDER NEWSPAPERS
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

WOMEN'S DAY SHOWS HOW FAR WE ALL STILL HAVE TO GO MARY ANN LINDLEY

The most compelling argument against Black History Month is that it shouldn't still be needed, that it shows how short a distance we've come - and that the event is itself divisive. Conversely, its best feature is providing a positive focus for blacks who sometimes feel blitzed by negative ones.

As for International Women's Day, in many communities it's a good excuse to raise money to help women in trouble - from rape victims in far-off Bosnia to battered women here at home who are in need of shelter and assistance in restoring their lives and self-respect.

As with Black History Month, the steady need for women's shelters shows how short a distance we've traveled in terms of human equity. Too many women and men still haven't figured out how to break their chains and become equal-opportunity partners in their relationships.

An International Women's Day organizer in Tallahassee, Fla., says there are no sex-negative vibes intended. "The festival is a monument to the idea that you can hold men accountable [for domestic rape and battering] and still like men and like sex," Marjorie Menzel said.

What it also speaks to, of course, is the matter of women liking themselves enough to take responsibility for their lives - and even their livelihoods.

At the crux of most relationships where battering is involved is the matter of power. Women who are economically, vocationally helpless are tremendously vulnerable in this regard. No wonder many poor women choose to rear their babies alone and let government be the papa.

But middle-class and wealthy women often have the same fears - just fancier traps. If they aren't lucky enough to live with a benevolent and faithful provider, they too may put up with whatever physical or emotional displays of power are dished out because they plainly can't support themselves.

It's hard to believe that in 1994, so many women from all walks of life allow themselves to remain uneducated, inexperienced and otherwise unable to achieve self-sufficiency. For a woman, there is no finer feeling than knowing she can take care of herself because she wants to - and anytime she needs to.

Sometimes we also forget that economic self-sufficiency is a liberating thing for men to encourage in wives, daughters and sisters - not only for the women, but also for themselves.

Who knows? If we all focused on the virtue of self-sufficiency (regardless of sex), one day we might even be able to declare an Average Guys Day. It would salute all the ordinary men who don't have any real cultural power either, and who are often lashed to stereotypes, too: Jobs that kill them in order to support women to whom they have turned over full control of their children and emotional lives.

It's 1994: Haven't we reached a point where we can root for women and also empathize with men?

Mary Ann Lindley is a columnist for the Tallahassee (Fla.) Democrat.