
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, February 28, 1994                   TAG: 9403050014
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

TIME TO TOSS THE DOS BOOK

When the book on how to outwit my DOS came, I was sure that a new day was upon us - a new day in which we would be free from tyranny and ignorance.

Right there on the back cover was the assurance that this book was for beginners - those long downtrodden Americans who are intellectually and genetically at the mercy of their personal computers.

I felt a warm rush when the authors said that DOS rhymes with "floss," a certain sign that these people were going to make it so simple that even I could understand.

The cover said the book deals with more than 100 DOS errors. I didn't know there were that many.

I can't even remember what the screen said that awful day in early fall when it cruelly wiped out my diary after I took all that time memorizing the password.

The preamble said that the book covers only the common errors people see on their screens.

But by page 5, my joy had turned to the fear and self-contempt that only incompetent PC users live with daily.

There were these messages that I didn't even know were in the computer. I guess they're in there somewhere and I merely haven't made the right mistake to call them out to prey on an ususpecting world.

There was NOT READY READING DRIVE B. I have no conception of what READING DRIVE B is, and until I got this book I didn't care very much.

The book says that what you do in this case is "reboot." I didn't know you could to this to a computer. It seems violent to me, and I don't want anything to do with it, regardless of READING DRIVE B'S state of readiness.

By page 48, I was reading about EMM386 NOT INSTALLED - XMS MANAGER NOT PRESENT. Sure. DOS rhymes with "floss." Right, Trevor?

The book uses little short stories featuring people with names like Wanda and Hal who have trouble with their computers and DOS.

These bright people include Marge, who came up on the EMM386 thing and didn't blink an eyelash. Somehow, I see Marge as a statuesque blond person, but never mind.

Marge didn't sneak off and feel sorry for herself. No, sir, she typed in DEVICE\ C\ DOS\ HIMEM. SYS. and then she rebooted the hell out of the thing.

This Marge sounds like a winner to me. READING DRIVE B'S inactivity would be child's play for her.

I wonder if she gives private lessons.

by CNB