Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: THURSDAY, April 21, 1994                   TAG: 9404210191
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Beth Macy
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

WITH BABY, MOM'S ADVICE TAKES ON RENEWED IMPORTANCE

When I was a teen-ager, she told me never to call boys, on the grounds that ``Nice girls don't.''

When I was 22 and took my first job out of state, she said I'd regret being 500 miles away from my family and friends.

Mom was right about everything but the chewing gum, and she was half right about that: By the next morning, it was all over my hair. And it tasted like tire rubber.

She was right about not calling boys, even though her reasoning was wrong. I quit calling boys because I cared less about what ``nice girls'' did and more about getting the upper hand.

Her instincts about my move to Savannah, Ga., were right on the mark, too: Too beautiful, too decadent, too depressing. Alas, those long-distance phone calls home to Mom were way too expensive.

I've made a lifetime out of ignoring my mom's pearls of wisdom. And yet, like those dinnertime telemarketing calls, the advice keeps on coming - unsolicited and unswerving.

Now that I'm a mother myself, I'm especially intrigued by the onslaught of opinion-giving, and not just from my mother, either. When I was pregnant, people I barely knew would give me the old tsk-tsk for drinking coffee, doing the Stairmaster, and - my personal favorite - fast-dancing at the company Christmas party.

My neighbor lady took it upon herself to tell me every time I left the house on my bicycle, ``You be careful - or I'm going to hit you in the head.''

When the baby arrived, the advice-giving intensified like never before: how and what to feed him, when to bathe him, where to let him sleep and how long.

My favorite came from my 88-year-old Grandma Ruthie via my mom: ``You tell Beth that when she takes the baby out in the car to be sure to put him on a pillow.''

(I didn't bother telling her about the new invention called the infant car seat.)

I've gotten so I can sense advice coming on long before it's uttered. And so I change the subject. I think of an emergency phone call I have to make. I hum the theme from ``Jeopardy!'' in my head - anything to ease the bombardment.

But while you really don't have to listen to other people's advice, you do have to listen - at the very least, listen - to your mother's.

I was so worried my mom would try to thwart my breastfeeding attempts in favor of formula that I actually hid the baby bottles before she flew in to visit recently. But she did no such thing.

In fact, instead of criticizing or giving advice, my mom said things like, ``I did this with my babies. . . but of course you do what you want,'' and stuck mainly to the tasks of rocking, cuddling and talking baby-talk to her new grandson.

The balance of power seemed to finally shift in our crazy, love-hate relationship. She finally gave me some credit for having my own ideas. I finally realized how much she must have done for me - the day-in, day-out work that started with labor and continues even now.

And I keep coming back to the words of my friend Steve, who called me after his wife delivered their daughter last year, still high from the experience.

He didn't have a bit of advice to offer about my own impending labor, just fact.

He said, ``Man, women are awesome.''

MOM KNOWS BEST: Did your mom have the best thing to say at the worst time? Did she know how to remove gum from hair (without using scissors)? Did she know just the trick for calming your colicky infant? Do you think of her words every time you roll out a pie crust, trim the lilacs or change the oil in the car?

Tell us what your mother knows best. Extra will publish a Mother's Day feature of invaluable advice - mundane and meaningful - gleaned from moms.

Call 981-3435 and leave a message. Include your name and your mother's name (and spell them both, please), as well as a day phone number. Or send a note to "Advice from Mom," Extra, Roanoke Times & World-News, P.O. Box 2491, Roanoke, Va. 24010. Deadline is 5 p.m. April 29.

Beth Macy, a features department staff writer, received this advice recently from her grandmother: Rub your baby's forehead so his skin doesn't get too tight, and don't let him cry - or he'll rupture himself. Her column runs every other Thursday.