Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, April 25, 1994 TAG: 9404260030
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: By MARY JO KOCHAKIAN THE HARTFORD COURANT
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
It could be that she's dieting maniacally, has been picked up for smoking dope, or has pretty much abandoned her studies in favor of working on her hair and makeup.
Certainly these things often are related to family troubles. But in many cases, argues clinical psychologist Mary Pipher, they are largely a result of the junk values of the mass culture.
Her thesis is that the culture is pushing insidious messages about sexuality, drugs and materialism that kids are in no way equipped to handle. Pipher, who practices in Lincoln, Neb., is author of ``Reviving Ophelia'' (Grosset/Putnam, $24.95), about mass culture and adolescent girls.
She titled her book after Shakespeare's Ophelia, from ``Hamlet,'' because Ophelia ``shows the destructive forces that affect young women,'' she writes. ``As a girl, Ophelia is happy and free, but with adolescence she loses herself. When she falls in love with Hamlet, she lives only for his approval. She has no inner direction; rather she struggles to meet the demands of Hamlet and her father. Her value is determined utterly by their approval. Ophelia is torn apart by her efforts to please. When Hamlet spurns her she goes mad with grief. Dressed in elegant clothes that weigh her down, she drowns in a stream filled with flowers.''
Like Ophelia, girls today learn to live for ``love.'' Beauty is paramount. Usually it's not what parents teach, she says, but what's taught by TV, movies, music and magazines.
``When kids get into trouble, parents start to flagellate themselves and say, `Oh, what did I do wrong?' I feel very strongly that a lot of families are doing a pretty good job, but then their kids hit this culture, and they get into a lot of trouble.''
Girls have always had a hard time. ``Probably boys have, too,'' Pipher said in an interview. ``But I think what girls are hitting now is something much harder - a combination of misogyny'' and an economy ``that regards kids as consumers and will sell them anything.''
Those who object to what kids are exposed to are told it's the parents' responsibility to control it, ``or if you don't like it, you should not allow it at home,'' Pipher says. But it's impossible to keep teen-agers who want to see it away from it. And even if kids were not exposed, they're ``in a world filled with people who do listen to that kind of music, read those kind of magazines, and so on. So they're very influenced.
``One example of this is that as a mother, I was extremely protective of my daughter in terms of all this business of weight and appearance, because she was a little chubby, and I knew she wasn't going to be a Miss America. Our family was extremely careful about the kind of media we allowed in the house .... But when she went to junior high, that didn't matter. The first day of school, a guy hit her in the behind with a locker door and said, `Move your fat butt.' ''
And on the first day of gym, her daughter reported that ``every girl in there is saying, `Oh, I'm too fat; I'm going to go on a diet.' And the way she said it to me was, `If they think they're fat, what do they think I am?' ''
Even though parents' influence is limited, it's important to be a ``North Star,'' Pipher says - ``try to help daughters stay focused on long-term goals and who they really are'' by talking to them about what they see and hear and whether those values are consistent with what they want for themselves. Parents should inform themselves by reading teen magazines, listening to their music, watching TV - and working for change.
``If you say anything about the media, people go, `Well, don't you believe in the First Amendment?' Of course I believe in the First Amendment, but that's not the only thing I believe in,'' Pipher says. ``I think the issue is: Are we willing to make some changes as a culture because we know it's the right thing to do? I think we need to face the fact that the media is hurting children, and these issues should be discussed.''
by CNB