Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, May 1, 1994 TAG: 9405040001
SECTION: CURRENT PAGE: NRV12 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
SOURCE: KENNETH SINGLETARY STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: BLACKSBURG LENGTH: Medium
That's where many of Blacksburg's international families find themselves when they move here from around the globe.
Those who come to study find solace in home territory, so to speak, even here. Their studies often require the same intense, constant work that they knew so well at home.
But what about their spouses, who in most cases are their wives? That's a question folks at the university's Cranwell International Center have always asked and recently, have tried to answer.
Removed from the land they knew, from family, friends and often satisfying jobs, some international spouses find themselves more alone than they've ever been before. The fact that they may initially flounder in this sea of English, that they may be stymied in that most simple and most important of human activities - communication - might make them feel even more separated, say members of a new, innovative program at the center.
It's called Spouse Talk, a forum for international spouses to talk, and in relating their experiences, to find out that there are other people out there in similar situations.
"When we share our experiences, we don't feel alone. ... That gives us a lot of confidence," said Bhagavathi Yadur, who followed her husband to Blacksburg last year from India.
A sense of camaraderie is important, international spouses say, because leaving home can be tense and uncertain. A helping hand can be invaluable.
"I was very scared when I came over. I didn't know anybody. I didn't know what life would be like in Blacksburg," said Uma Talwalkar, who came from India with her husband last summer. "Everybody has these apprehensions. You need somebody to guide you."
Spouse Talk is the brainchild of several people at the center, including Renata Verthelyi, a psychologist who has researched international spouses, a field that she says has received little academic attention. She knows personally as well what it's like to move to a foreign land, having come to America 25 years ago from Argentina. She knows the loneliness international spouses may feel.
"They may be here for a month or two just sitting there in their apartment being unhappy without anybody knowing about it. ... Sometimes it's so hard to reach them," she said, adding that many international students in Blacksburg do not have host American families to provide a segue into the local culture.
Depression is common with international spouses, she says, due largely to money problems that limit travel and visits. Loneliness is particularly endemic in Blacksburg because, like many of these international spouses, this small town itself is somewhat removed from greater happenings.
Verthelyi has noticed that women from different cultures seem equally willing to confide their thoughts and feelings to each other. Given that many of these women are so forthcoming and that some international spouses cannot make it to the group's Friday get-togethers, they have started a journal.
It's "a way to communicate and share personal experiences, and the many thoughts and questions which arise while facing the challenge of living in a foreign environment," last fall's debut issue said.
The journal features commentary, recipes and the answers to some of the mysteries of living in America, like "What does 'go Dutch' mean?'" and "What is pot luck?" It also includes a children's corner and an article in a foreign language to emphasize multiculturalism.
"Everything is so different here than it is in India, from the switches at home to the driving on the right side of the roads; the computerized lifestyles; the nonchalant dressing; ready-to-eat foodstuff and most often fat-free, salt-free etc.," wrote Nandini Nagendran, who arrived from India last summer. "Life, in America, seems to have no place for emotions and attachments - physical well-being is much catered-to - but mental well-being???!"
The program at times takes on the tone of a support group, as when bad news reaches Blacksburg from home. Liliana Herrera turned to Spouse Talk when she learned last summer that her brother had died back in Argentina.
"When I received the news it was so hard for me," she said. "I was away from my family and I couldn't go home. Spouse Talk in this case supported me."
by CNB