Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, May 2, 1994 TAG: 9405020057
SECTION: NATIONAL/INTERNATIONAL PAGE: A1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Associated Press
DATELINE: NEW YORK LENGTH: Long
\ The nameplate for the apartment in midtown Manhattan's flower district reads simply "Apology."
Inside, answering machines in a back room beep and click regularly, recording sad, anonymous stories and dark, painful secrets.
Most callers apologize for crimes against humanity, large and small. But they also can listen to a taped recording of other people's transgressions and comment if they like.
One woman dialed in recently to confess that she didn't cry when a friend died of AIDS, and apologized for not grieving properly. The next tape contained consoling words from a listener who said it was OK not to cry, that we all mourn differently.
This is the Apology Line, and Mr. Apology is at the controls of the electronic confessional.
So who is this man? Don't bother asking. Mr. Apology won't give his name because he believes his anonymity is important to the people across the country who call and bare all to his machines.
This much is known about him: He is a midsized man, pudgy around the middle and in his early 40s, with gray in his beard and brown wavy hair.
Mr. Apology also is a rapt student of human nature, a thoughtful man with a gentle laugh who scrupulously reserves judgment, even for those society deems its most heinous transgressors.
"What I try to get out of the Apology Line is really a broad picture of human nature, the kind of warts-and-all picture," he said during a recent interview over coffee in his kitchen.
"Whenever I feel that the Apology Line is going right into the heart of someone's psyche," he said, "that's when it's really good."
Mr. Apology started the line in 1980 as a way to collect apologies for an art exhibit. At the time, he had his own secret: He was a compulsive shoplifter. But he finally stopped, and thought a confessional might be a first step to help others solve their problems.
There were the petty offenders, like the military man who called to atone for stealing toilet paper from work. There was the large contingent of philanderers, and also the street criminals, remorseful, perhaps, for yanking a gold chain off a passer-by's neck.
Some criminals even called and said they thought society owed them an apology. (Mr. Apology warns all criminals to call from pay phones, largely so he doesn't get in trouble with the police, who have contacted him twice over the years.)
When he first started the anonymous confessional, Mr. Apology thought he would keep it going for about a year. But the calls kept coming and, 14 years later, the Apology Line is his avocation. He also publishes a quarterly magazine called Apology.
Over time, the line has become more than a repository for apologies. Many callers want advice about personal problems, or to reveal a painful past, perhaps an abusive childhood.
Some problems can generate months of commentary on the line.
Over the years, Mr. Apology hasn't found many answers to the disturbing questions about human nature, just moral dilemmas with endless prisms.
"I feel like we're still half-animals and then we're half-god in the sense that we can conceive of, we know of and often have some very, very high qualities, and we're sort of stuck in between and we have to kind of reconcile the two all of the time," he said. "The Apology Line is my way of looking at both of those aspects in people."
Three or four steps in a different direction, and maybe all of us could commit adultery, shoplift, tell huge fantastic lies for personal gain.
Instead of banishing such dreadful possibilities, Mr. Apology examines them, as if he were looking through a kaleidoscope at the countless variations of human nature.
Take the case of CM, or child molester.
CM sexually abused a 5-year-old niece about five years ago. He was caught, received treatment and moved to California, away from his family. He is in therapy and has a girlfriend. He'd like to marry her, but says he doesn't want to have children and must tell her about his past. Will he ever molest again? He vows not to, but he says he still thinks about it. What should he do?
Mr. Apology rarely dispenses advice, outside of telling callers they might consider therapy if they seem to be in deep trouble.
He praised CM for working hard to face up to what he did and trying to move forward. Is it possible? Maybe. But Mr. Apology didn't know.
Other callers weren't so charitable.: "Yes, a child may be attractive, yes, there may be urges, but you don't . . . ACT upon it! " said one. "What are you, nuts? I mean, seriously. No amount of therapy will change him," said another.
Mr. Apology's anonymity gives him a comfortable distance from which to contemplate his callers.
"I got a call the other day in which someone said, `Well, I realize that you're an artist and you're using people like paintbrushes to paint a picture.' And that definitely struck me," he said.
"And in a way it's true. There's a level of abstraction about it, and I can really look at a lot of horror. But, ultimately, I can sort of walk away from it."
The numbers for the Apology Line are 212-255-2748, 255-7714 and 633-8323.
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by CNB