
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, May 9, 1994                   TAG: 9405100034
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

POLITICAL PLAYBOYS AT NEWSSTAND

Without getting into any details - any time you get into details in politics, you put people to sleep - I became obsessed recently with Republican reaction to Playboy Magazine.

This was the result of an article that was unfavorable to Oliver North. But even his opponent for the Republican U.S. Senate nomination said he doesn't pay any attention to Playboy.

A spokesman for Jim Miller said, rather elitely, if you ask me, that the "effectiveness of this article if limited by its source."

(No. Now just stop that right now. I have no intention of asking U.S. Sen. Charles Robb about Playboy. You people make me sick, you know that?)

I myself have a very limited knowledge of Playboy. I do read it from time to time - strictly as an onerous professional duty - to keep in touch with major trends in American culture. Or the lack thereof - as in an interview with Tom and Roseanne Arnold.

These trends, quite candidly, sometimes have to do with turn-offs listed by the centerfold-of-the-month - which may contain references to cold pasta or male nasal hair.

All of this aside, I think Americans should ask what magazines Republicans do consider to be effective and free of the limiting influence of Miss January - whose measurements or turn-offs we won't get into at this time.

Ladies Home Journal, one would assume. There are an awful lot of good, solid, down-to-earth recipes in there that are largely the work of women in plain cloth coats and simple shirtwaists.

Good Housekeeping. Largely the same as the above. And also including these houses that only Republicans can afford. Hot tubs for one person at a time. View of the river. Nothing stronger than iced tea ever served on the veranda. One-piece bathing suits.

I could go on, but let me say here in the interest of fairness that neither major party is going to take Playboy seriously in public.

The exception here may be the time Jimmy Carter admitted in a Playboy interview that he had lusted in his heart. This was a terrible thing for a Southern boy to say. But he got elected.

I personally have long thought politicians of any party would find a common bond in Mad Magazine.

Or, as Miss April might say: "Who are these guys, really? They turn me off, ya know what I mean?"

by CNB