Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, May 15, 1994 TAG: 9405170083
SECTION: CURRENT PAGE: NRV-3 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
SOURCE: BECKY HEPLER STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: BLACKSBURG LENGTH: Medium
Rooney is graduating in architecture, specializing in design and advertising. He is fascinated by the brevity and wit in a good punchline of an ad. "I don't consider myself a clever writer, and I wouldn't even begin to write a novel, but to come up with a catchy phrase, that's the thing."
In fact, he may be better than he thinks. Rooney has become a regular player in the Style Invitational, a sassy contest found every Sunday in The Washington Post. Several times an honorable mention and once even a first-place winner, Rooney recently reached his highest achievement yet - a contest he suggested was selected for play the week of March 13.
The Style Invitational feature is a rude yet witty way to test readers' knowledge about the people and events The Post regularly covers and to give readers a chance to make fun of those same celebrities and happenings. One Style Invitational asked readers to come up with "... clever pranks for fun, profit or delivery of well-needed comeuppance."
The winning entry was "On the day Disney's new theme park opens after two years of shameless ballyhoo, arrive there with lots of spare nuts and bolts in your pockets. Every time you go on a ride, fling hardware from it." Rooney's suggestion was "Dress up as Barney, go to the mall, tell kids Santa isn't coming because Barney ripped his head off."
Another contest asked readers to come up with plausible 1996 presidential campaign slogans. That generated "Quayle: A Chicken in Every Garage," and the winner, "How does Packwood for President Grab You?"
(In case you think only Republicans are tweaked in these contests, other entries in this contest include "Bill Clinton: Because He May Be Your Long-Lost Brother," "Paul Simon: Like a Bridge Over Tepid Water," and "Janet Reno: David Koresh Didn't Vote For Me Either. Get the Picture?" )
The feature is sophisticated and sophomoric at the same time, reveling in poopy jokes while asking readers to come up with "performance art audacious enough to seem like art, but pretentious enough to get public funding." Standouts here include "Five million yards of gold lam are used to sew an evening gown for the J. Edgar Hoover Building." Rooney's entry, which netted an honorable mention, was "A man counterfeits a check, made out to himself, for the precise amount of the national debt. He tries to cash it at a bank."
Because it is Washington, political jokes abound. One contest asked readers to come up with a federal holiday between Presidents' Day and Memorial Day and a way to observe it. This brought suggestions for "Palm Monday" to be celebrated March 28 by hiring a lobbyist to grease a public official's hand, or "Whistleblower Appreciation Day, on April 1, that gives federal workers the day off so agency management can install new hidden recording devices at whistleblowers' workstations.
Rooney, however, as a Blacksburg resident, suggested Groundhog Annihilation Day, to be celebrated on March 16, six weeks after Groundhog Day. Everyone seeks revenge for bad winter weather by declaring open season on groundhogs. It merited an honorable mention.
Rooney's suggested contest asked readers to find comical name combinations, for example, "... if Julia Child married Jack Kent Cooke, she would become Julia Child Kent Cooke." Rooney's entry for the contest included "... if Anita Hill married former baseball player Vida Blue and rock 'n' roll pioneer Chuck Berry, would she be thrilled to be Ms. Blue-Berry Hill? If Roseanne Arnold had married John Candy instead, they could have been the comedy team of Candy Barr."
Part of the humor of the feature comes from the wacky prizes that are offered. Contestants who make honorable mention get a bumper sticker with SHIRT HAPPENS on it. Runners-up get the "... coveted Style Invitational losers T-shirt," emblazoned with LOSER.
First- place prizes are truly bizarre - furry moose slippers with eyes and antlers; a framed Official Photograph of Bill Clinton, slightly out of focus; a wristwatch featuring an eye hologram; a T-shirt with a picture of an exploding pigeon plus a humane mousetrap; and terra cotta lawn pigs.
Rooney's winning entry in the "Two Kinds of People" contest (People who preferred when Miss America contestants had their hair and makeup done for them by professionals and people who prefer contestants be required to do their own hair and makeup after being blinded and spun around until they are dizzy, as part of the "talent" competition) garnered a flag that had flown over the Capitol.
However, he never got it, either a victim of a bad Style Invitational joke, or the Postal Service. Because mailmen are frequently the target of many contest jokes (one of the National Holidays suggested was Disgruntled Postal Worker Day, in which fired postal workers come in to seek revenge, only to find that everyone is at home because of the new holiday), the fate of the flag is a tossup.
by CNB