Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, June 6, 1994                   TAG: 9406070054
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

LIFE'S 'TRUCULENT FERVOR' MUSTERS UP A BATTLE OF WORDS

I didn't know what that meant, but I wrote it down for the record. You just don't hear people saying things like that these days.

Walter Cronkite never said things like that. I've been through a hard life and 42 years so far on the Sea of Matrimony without hearing it.

But I knew instinctively, without going to the dictionary to look up "truculent" and "fervor," that this is my kind of phrase.

I don't even have to leave home to use it. For example, the greatest station wagon driver of them all comes home, looks in the refrigerator, and says:

"You moron. You ate the leftover roast beef we were going to have for supper tonight."

And I say:

"Listen, if you were as bothered by the truculent fervor of life the way I am, you'd be a compulsive eater, too. I'm sorry I scarfed up the roast beef. ... But this should clear the way for a nice salmon loaf."

And the driver says:

"I'll salmon-loaf you, you cretinous glutton."

It occurs to me that there must be others who could use the phrase, and I'd like to get up a big picnic for all of us.

We might look up "truculent" in the dictionary , although I have an uneasy feeling that if we act that way, there are going to be a lot of fist fights near the beer keg.

This happy brother/sisterhood we're talking about here is by no means limited to aged, old has-beens such as Old Bennie here.

If you are a young middle-management type who didn't get the report on widget consumption in on time, you can tell the boss:

"I'm sorry, sir. It's just that I've been wrestling with the vicissitudes of existence as they are related to the truculent fervor of life, but I hope to feel better soon. Although the vagaries of life in no way assure this result."

I don't think top management is going to take the time to look up "truculent" or "fervor" or "vicissitudes" or "vagaries." I think the boss will say :

"The lad may be a bit slow, but he's got one helluva vocabulary."

I'm announcing today the organization of the Order of the Knights and Dames of the Truculent Fervor of Life.

The dues won't amount to much, and we won't wear funny hats, but you should know the annual picnic assessment is going to be pretty heavy stuff.

Security guards don't come cheap, you know.