Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, June 27, 1994                   TAG: 9406280080
SECTION: EDITORIAL                    PAGE: A-5   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: 
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

SIX MYTHS ABOUT SPOUSE ABUSE

Myth No. 1: Stresses, such as money, a move, having a baby, or job problems, are what cause a person to abuse his partner.

Reality: Everyone faces stress, but not everyone who is stressed-out resorts to abuse. If tensions have been growing worse, then stress can trigger abuse. If there is a history of violence, then increasing stress should be a warning signal. The stressed-out family needs help.

Myth No. 2: A man who only occasionally slaps his wife isn't in danger of really harming her because, though he may slap her, he won't do anything worse.

Reality: Men who abuse women tend to get more violent as time passes, and peaceful times get shorter. Slapping progresses toward other abusive behaviors, and could lead to the use of weapons. All abuse is dangerous.

Myth No. 3: You can't blame a man who hits a woman when he is drunk. If he wasn't drunk he wouldn't have abused her.

Reality: Many abusers use their drunken state as an excuse for beating a woman. The abuser sometimes drinks before hitting his wife so that he can avoid responsibility for his behavior. Alcohol and drug use can make domestic violence worse, but it doesn't cause it to happen.

Myth No. 4: Spousal abuse is when a man hits a woman.

Reality: True, but while it is rarely reported, many men (some studies indicate 5 percent of married men) are abused by their wives.

Myth No. 5: The victim provokes abuse, and by being irritating she brings the abuse on herself.

Reality: Domestic violence involves a cycle of destructive thoughts, feelings and actions. Both husband and wife may be caught up in the violence patterns. Even if the spouse does irritate the abuser, this is never an excuse for violent behavior. Being irritated is never permission to abuse.

Myth No. 6: Abused women must like getting hurt. Why else would they stay?

Reality: Victims stay because they feel trapped, not because they gain pleasure from being abused. Sometimes the trap is a result of money problems, and sometimes it has to do with emotional dependency. Many people will do almost anything to keep a marriage and family together.

- DANIEL R. CLOW