Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, July 10, 1994 TAG: 9407100069
SECTION: VIRGINIA PAGE: B5 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Laurence Hammack Staff Writer
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Perhaps the most infamous one was when Kidd acquitted a man of indecent exposure after being informed - under oath by a jail medic - that the man had nothing to expose.
"Well if he doesn't have one, how could he expose it?" Kidd asked incredulously.
That case made national news, but Kidd makes routine cases entertaining on a daily basis. Some examples:
When a man said he couldn't find a lawyer, Kidd assigned him a court-appointed attorney and told him:
"Well, you got one now. And if you don't go find him by the 19th, I'll put you in jail and let him find you."
As he waited impatiently for an inmate to be brought over from the jail, Kidd asked no one in particular:
"What jail is he in? Botetourt County's?" Silence. Still no inmate. "This is where we break into the soft shoe," he said. O Instead of simply telling
a woman to stay away from the person she assaulted, Kidd admonished:
"You are to never, ever, never ever, in no way, shape or form - letter, smoke signal or carrier pigeon - have any contact with the victim."
After hearing an often-cited excuse from a man who was late to court, Kidd told him:
"Get a car that runs, son. Because I don't buy that car-won't-start stuff."
Recently, a visibly nervous young man appeared in traffic court on a charge of reckless driving. He was clearly relieved to learn he only had to pay a fine.
As he turned to leave, a bailiff told him he would first have to go "back there" - pointing to a doorway leading to a room where court paperwork is completed.
What's back there? the young man asked apprehensively.
"That's where we keep the rack," the judge deadpanned.
He was just Kidding, of course.
- LAURENCE HAMMACK
by CNB