Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, July 19, 1994 TAG: 9407190036
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Kathleen Wilson
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Kidd, who was in the hotel's grand ballroom attending a retirement party in his honor, was led away by Sheriff Alvin Hudson and Maj. George McMillan of the Roanoke City Sheriff's office.
Kidd, wearing a button that said ``I'm retiring. I'll do what I want when I want if I want,'' was charged with the crime of retirement without just cause as he left the ballroom to the theme from ``Dragnet.''
Startled party guests, whose party invitations were subpoenas, were handed wanted posters and asked to attend the trial in the Marriott's auditorium.
The self-described Dishonorable James Brice, a retired Roanoke Valley judge, presided over the proceedings.
``Most nuts fall to the ground,'' said Brice, ``but a few land on the bench.''
``Your honor, I have called witness after witness but have found no one who claims to have ever seen [Kidd] do any work,'' declared Commonwealth's Attorney Don Caldwell.
``So, the prosecution rests,'' he said, laying his head on the table, feigning a nap.
``Don, I don't recall ever seeing you do anything BUT resting,'' chided Brice.
Kidd's attorney, Jonathan Apgar, objected to his client being referred to as fugitive from district court. A desperado. An outlaw.
``He's a hardworking public servant,'' argued Apgar, who stayed in character as Groucho Marx throughout the entire trial.
Ron Albright, clerk of General District Court, was the first to take the stand in Kidd's defense.
``Do you solemnly swear you'll do your usual lying?'' asked Brice.
Judge Julian Raney - who was wearing a handwritten name tag declaring, ``I wish I were retiring!'' - was the second to take the stand.
``Let's not waste any time putting YOU under oath,'' said Brice, rolling his eyes.
Raney offered evidence that Kidd had indeed honorably earned this retirement after a long career on the bench. Raney produced a portrait of Kidd wearing an 18th-century-ish powdered wig he said he found laying around the Roanoke City Courthouse.
Representing Roanoke County, Fuzzy Minnix and Lee Eddy were called to the stand as ``Fuzzy Eddy and Lee Minnix.''
The two handed Kidd a proclamation signed by all five members of the Roanoke County Board of Supervisors, marveling that it was one of the few things that didn't end up in a 3-2 vote.
Kidd was also honored with a proclamation from the City of Salem.
And the Roanoke City School system. Seems the judge is known for taking the time to recess court to answer a child's question during a field trip. That he's been known to pick out the shyest child in the group and let him wear his black robe and sit in that big ol' judge's chair.
The proclamation read that ``it be resolved that Edward S. Kidd is hereby commended for years of dedication to the youth of the community and for touching young lives with his love of the law, with imagination, expertise and unselfishness.''
Maybe it's just me, but I felt that Roanoke Mayor David Bowers grandstanded a bit when he took the stand, bringing greetings to Kidd from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and taking the moment to talk some about the upcoming proposed dialogue with Disney and the City of Roanoke about a downtown tourist attraction.
He did, however, graciously present Kidd's wife, Betty, with a crystal star necklace, asking the audience to join him in singing Disney's ``When You Wish Upon a Star.''
No one sang. So Bowers recited the words of the lovely song that promises when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true.
Albright brought out a gift on behalf of all the clerks.
``We pooled together all the raises we got during the Wilder administration to buy you a set of new golf clubs,'' he said, bringing out a Hefty bag filled with inflatable clubs.
Apgar called Kidd's wife, Betty, to the stand and she testified that he is a good husband and father.
``The only thing I might ask is if we can call him back to substitute from time to time during his retirement,'' said Caldwell.
``I have a feeling I might be calling YOU to ask him on some days,'' she said.
This was one of the best-planned, best-executed tributes I've attended. How the committee managed to put together such an intricate mock court situation, plan a party and make almost 200 people belly laugh for an entire hour while still doing the demanding jobs they do at the courthouse is beyond me.
The reason seemed to be that for Judge Kidd, it was well worth the effort.
``I've never been so flattered in my whole life,'' said Kidd, when he was finally allowed to get a word in edgewise at the end. ''I can't remember feeling a thrill like this since the day I passed the bar exam.''
by CNB