
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, July 25, 1994                   TAG: 9407280051
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

THIS WOULD PUT AUNT ZELDA ON THE SAUCE

Now that they're going to sell lottery tickets at state liquor stores, I kind of worry about your Aunt Zelda.

It aged her five years when she heard about liquor package stores - where they actually allowed any boozehound off the streets to walk around like the place was a supermarket. Actually touch the bottles whether he bought anything or not - kind of like squeezing tomatoes in the supermarket.

When they allowed us to charge liquor on credit cards she had the vapors for weeks. She was sure that you were going to spend yourself into ruination charging all that Chivas Regal you drank just to impress a couple of office bombshells.

When Aunt Zelda finds out about this latest change, it might be a good idea to drop in on her from time to time.

At her age, prolonged attacks of the vapors can be serious, you know. And while you're there, you can assure her you're not playing the numbers and buying booze at the same time and place - even if you are.

I'm nowhere near as old as Aunt Zelda, but I continue to be shocked by the wide-open and depraved practices that have occurred in the booze business in my native state.

Not so many years ago, you had to get up your nerve to go into a state liquor store. They were very ugly inside and outside, and this tended to depress you and make you drink more.

The clerks all seemed to feel that they would sell you a quart of Old Bombardier if that's what you really wanted, but it really wasn't good for you. I always expected my mother to step out from behind one of those institutional shelves and shake a disapproving finger.

(Nobody, not even state employees, browsed among these shelves. A heavy counter separated the buyer from them, and it was my impression that state law authorized the store manager to shoot you if you got crazy and tried to leap the counter and touch the goods.)

There was a sign in all the stores saying that anybody who was interdicted couldn't buy any sauce. I never did understand what being interdicted entailed, but I was afraid I might drop in for a fifth of Vat 69 and be arrested as an interdictee.

I hope you won't tell Aunt Zelda I said this, but I kind of like the modern booze stores. The clerks are nice and don't seem to care how much Old Bombardier you buy.

As a matter of fact, I can't wait until I can pay the phone bill in a liquor store.

by CNB