Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, August 10, 1994 TAG: 9408100050
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 2 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: TOM JICHA FORT LAUDERDALE (FLA.) SUN-SENTINEL
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
It is probably not necessary to identify ``The Beverly Hillbillies'' theme as the song being parodied. Just a few lines triggers a nostalgic flashback in an entire generation.
Ted Harbert sees no value in this. Harbert, the man in charge of prime-time programming for ABC, wants to purge his network of theme songs. He has issued an edict that henceforth, he will not put on new series with theme songs. Existing series won't be forced to jettison their themes, but ABC is encouraging them to do so.
The danger is, ABC is likely to be TV's No. 1 network next season. This will have nothing to do with the absence of themes, but the competition might not interpret it this way. Imagination has never been the medium's forte.
Harbert has nothing against jingles. He said he is as fond of memorable TV themes as any other baby boomer. He can go verse for verse of ``The Flintstones'' and ``Gilligan's Island'' with anyone.
It's those darn remote controls, he said. He truly believes that lengthy songs induce viewers to channel-graze. His fear is that some of them might not return to the ABC pasture.
To combat this, he wants what is known as ``clean opens''; the show begins by immediately starting to develop the plot.
It isn't just ditties that Harbert wants to purge. The title sequences that go with them are also marked for death. If it came to him now, Harbert would not have allowed Mary Tyler Moore to throw her hat skyward.
Harbert challenged critics to name one show that people have ever watched because of the theme or title sequences. This is like saying that people do not choose their favorite hot dog because of the bun. But even a Nathan's hot dog wouldn't be as much a treat if eaten out of the bun. Likewise, a ``Hill Street Blues'' or a ``M*A*S*H'' would have been less of a total package without the lilting introductory music.
Harbert was in diapers when ``Dragnet'' was enchanting America with its ``Dum, da, dum, dum.'' People who weren't even born when Jack Webb was America's top cop can instantly identify those distinctive notes. Same for ``The Twilight Zone.''
A group of critics came up with a roster of more than 50 unforgettable TV themes in a matter of minutes after Harbert's announcement. For the rest of the press tour, writers encountering each other in the hotel would call out another candidate for the list. It became the tour sport.
Another Harbert argument is that there hasn't been a memorable theme created over the past five years. This is almost too easy. How many memorable TV shows has ABC introduced during the same period? Yet Harbert keeps trying.
One show for the ages, for sure, is ``NYPD Blue,'' which has both theme music and a title sequence. Steven Bochco was asked how he will react if Harbert asks him to can them. He laughed.
General Electric practically destroyed NBC - America's dominant network when it was purchased - with its bottom-line obsession. GE's nerdish business majors didn't understand that show business is not like marketing light bulbs. Little frills and a lot of flair do matter.
It's like the restaurant business. Imagine one of the number-crunchers buying a classy eatery. He looks at the bill for parsley and decides that no one eats parsley, so he can save money by taking it off the plates. Then he asks why it's necessary to provide three forks at each setting. Most people use only one. Three forks cost money to supply and maintain. Next, it's cloth napkins. Paper is cheaper.
Individually, each of these moves, like Harbert's abandoning of themes, can be reasonably defended. However, the cumulative effect is to transform a four-star restaurant into a greasy spoon.
TV has never been a four-star place, but decisions like Harbert's on theme songs are accelerating its descent to greasy-spoon status.
by CNB