Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, August 10, 1994 TAG: 9409270003
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
I am not, as you know, normal, however, and I don't like to get rid of things that have been around for a long time.
I brooded for weeks after trading in our 1972 Ford station wagon on the 1978 Jeep Cherokee - then a rust-free, dazzling automobile.
The Jeep was sensational with mag wheels, but I remembered all the times the station wagon had taken us to the beach when the children were young.
When the guy who bought the wagon called to ask certain questions, I told him not to judge a car by the fact that the front seat upholstery was shot. I told him he had bought a noble car and to take care of it if he didn't want to hear from me.
A lot of people become attached to their cars and give them nicknames - "Old Betsy" being the most popular, I think. I privately refer to my Jeep as "Old Rough and Ready," although I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody that.
This not to say that I had a nickname for my old bathroom scales, or that I was highly emotional about them.
What happened in this case was that this new scale is evil and insists on giving me the right weight.
You could kick the old one in the morning and get it off by five pounds. One morning I kept on kicking it until it said I weighed 180 while wearing my 12-pound terrycloth robe.
This didn't mean I had the waistline I had in 1950, but it made me feel better about myself as long as I avoided mirrors.
Somehow, I think the old scale cared about how I felt about myself. Even without kicking, I could expect it to weigh a couple of pounds light.
That scale knew how hard I worked on the NordicTrack and how sit-ups hurt a person of advanced age,
The new scale is merciless. It doesn't take off an ounce. It doesn't care how hard you work. It's in the weighing business and not into amateur psychology. It also resists kicking.
I won't tell you what it showed the other morning when I weighed with nothing on - which is what scale experts recommend, in case all you dirty-minded people are interested. I will tell you that I wished I had my old scale back.
At least the new scale doesn't talk. If it did, it would have a smart mouth, and I would have to kill it with my Monster Maul.
And I'll never weigh 180 in my terrycloth robe again.
by CNB