Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, August 15, 1994 TAG: 9408150017
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A4 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: PRISCILLA A. TRICE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
However, on behalf of the 82 percent who believe ``spanking is appropriate at times,'' I feel some rebuttal is in line. The incident in Georgia has once again put this subject in focus, and the 12 percent who believe in no corporal discipline have made spanking a politically incorrect practice, making many afraid to discuss it.
The most glaring inaccuracy in Kennedy's column was in the discussion of what the Bible says about spanking. Proverbs 13:24 isn't the only place that speaks about this. There are many references to that ``rod of correction,'' and, yes, it really does mean an actual rod, or stick. The emphasis is on obedience to the parent. And while some children can be corrected with a look, others can only be dealt with by a lovingly administered spanking.
The other exception I take is the list of ``Reasons for not spanking children.'' When a spanking is administered properly, most, if not all, of these reasons are completely false.
First, the offense must merit a spanking, i.e., blatant disobedience of a known rule. (Like never, never hit your little brother!) Then you must calmly remove the child from the same room as others, remind him or her of the rule, administer the rod or switch to the bottom of the child where there's plenty of cushion along with the nerves, and be prepared to take the child in your arms for a loving embrace in the end. The child reared in this atmosphere will respond soon, and most children will not need spankings past the age of 5 or 6. They will have gotten the message that Dad and Mom expect to be listened to and respected.
It isn't true to say that ``it doesn't stop the unwanted behavior.'' It does! And to say that ``it leads to fear and avoidance by making the child sneaky'' is also untrue. Spanking is very straightforward - the rules are there and infractions are quickly dealt with. Children who are not quickly dealt become sneaky or manipulative - finding ways to outwit Mom and Dad.
The parent isn't ``a model for aggression,'' but rather is teaching the child to control himself. This is something most school teachers would love to see more often. If the child becomes angry as a result of a spanking, it's probably because the parent has been half-hearted or inconsistent in the child's discipline.
Rather than teaching that might makes right, it's teaching that there's a chain of command. In teaching children to cheerfully obey their parents, we teach them to obey their teachers, submit to laws of the land, strive to please their employers, and cooperate on 100 different levels for the rest of their lives. One of the most pressing problems of the day in our schools is the lack of discipline. My generation has done a terrible job in teaching children self-control and self-motivation. Every teacher I've talked with (who isn't occupied in defending a particular school or system) has said that discipline is the major factor in his or her job. Many say they would like to be out of teaching altogether because of that one factor.
Does spanking work the miracle of self-control and self-motivation that teachers would like to see? Not spanking alone, and here is the other rub: There must be someone to whom the child has bonded to administer whatever discipline is needed. That means someone the child loves, trusts and respects. Who is that one person? In my Baby Boomer generation, many couples decided that both needed to work to provide life's necessities. I don't buy that.
My husband and I decided in 1969, when the first of our children was born, that we were committed to rearing well-adjusted, loving children, and that I would be the one to stay home with them. Later, that necessitated a major readjustment in our standard of living, and a move to a less expensive home. But the quality of our home life was what we were seeking. Anyone who knows our children will agree with me that whatever adjustments we had to make were worth whatever ``sacrifice'' we had to make back then. One of those well-adjusted, caring kids read Kennedy's column and said, ``Mom, you have to reply to this one!''
While I cannot condone abuse in any way - and I consider a slap in the face to be unduly humiliating, as well as possibly harmful to the brain - there's much to be said for proper and loving discipline (that includes spanking, when needed) by a primary care-giver, with whom there is a loving, trusting relationship.
Priscilla A. Trice, of Rocky Mount, tutors English and history, and is the mother of six children.
by CNB