Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, August 15, 1994 TAG: 9408170048
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: By LORAINE O'CONNELL/ORLANDO SENTINEL
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Sounds like you need a timeout.
More accurately, your inner child needs a timeout.
You remember your inner child, don't you? Psychologically speaking, it's that part of the grown-up you that sometimes feels and reacts today the way you did when you were a kid.
Today's lesson: Your inner kid can influence your behavior in the workplace, whether naughty or nice.
``In our work setting, our employer generally takes on the role of either the father or the mother,'' said Lynn Esko, a mental health counselor in Altamonte Springs, Fla. ``Co-workers generally take on the roles of our siblings.''
None of this is conscious, of course.
``Normally, people understand that these are co-workers and have nothing to do with old childhood feelings or thoughts,'' Esko explained. ``It's when a person gets triggered and zooms back into that child place of their personality'' that problems may result.
Triggers can include a colleague's personality or appearance, Esko said.
``Sometimes the person doing the triggering can be big like Dad, or have a beard or mustache like Dad, and that can subconsciously trigger feelings'' from our relationship with the old man, Esko said.
``You can get triggered if a subordinate or employer talks down to you,'' she said, ``or talks to you in a demeaning way or yells at you'' the way a parent, teacher or sibling did.
It only makes sense that we occasionally respond to these triggers, said John Curtis, co-founder of The Orlando Consulting Group.
``In the workplace, natural patterns and attitudes show up,'' he said. In addition to the male boss as paternal figure, ``there may be an Earth mother whom everyone goes to with their problems,'' Curtis said.
In addition, the roles we adopted as children carry over to our adult personalities, he said.
For example, ``older siblings used to being in charge naturally begin to take charge'' in the office, Curtis notes.
Sometimes that's a big no-no.
Audrey Brewer, owner of Profitable Marketing Strategies in Longwood, Fla., was the oldest of nine kids, ``which makes me a pretty bossy person,'' she said.
Recalling her unlamented days as a secretary, Brewer said, ``As a clerical person, I was a failure because I needed to take direction completely from somebody else. I don't do that well because I'm used to being the big boss.
``I really felt like I was one of my sisters or brothers, like I had stepped back in time and had reverted to being something I wasn't'' - a person who needs to be told what to do.
Getting canned from that job ``was the best thing that ever happened to me,'' she said.
As the head of her own business, Brewer's childhood role of oldest sibling serves her well.
``I've always had to be a mother, to guide and direct and help these little people get on their way,'' she said. ``Guess what I do in my business: I guide, direct and make sure these people get on their way, do the marketing strategies they need to do.''
Obviously, recognizing how the child part of your personality affects you can help you develop your talents and find the job that's best for you.
However, understanding your inner brat also can help you get along better wherever you work.
Let's say you're having repeated conflicts with a particular colleague. Maybe this person's behavior toward you or tone of voice with you is subconsciously taking you back to when you were 7 and had to endure the harassment of the neighborhood bully.
Acting under the subconscious influence of that angry little 7-year-old, you lash out at this colleague rather than maturely confronting him or her.
``Once you understand what you're doing, you're able to control it and not let it get out of hand,'' said Jennifer Casey, a clinical social worker with Personal Performance Consultants in Orlando, Fla.
Casey has seen lots of examples of adults letting their inner kids get out of control.
``Sometimes there's a strong competitive factor between two people in an office, and it causes stress for other co-workers who see this negative competition going on,'' she said. ``Positive competitiveness is good, but when there's backbiting and they're critical of one another, it can be damaging.''
Such hypercompetitive behavior doesn't just arise spontaneously, Casey said.
``This is something that goes back to some family dynamic - a sibling rivalry where someone just has to be the best, the winner.''
It's likely that competitors like this were pitted against their siblings as kids, she said.
So, class, here's today's homework assignment: Take a look at your behavior in the workplace and see if you can find examples of your inner child helping - or hindering - you on the job.
Cheer up: There are no right or wrong answers.
by CNB