Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SUNDAY, August 21, 1994                   TAG: 9408200015
SECTION: BUSINESS                    PAGE: F-3   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Camille Wright Miller
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

HOW TO KEEP YOUR JOB WHILE LOOKING WHEN THE BOSS' REFERENCE IS NEEDED

A: Include in your cover letter one of the following: "Please do not contact my current employer for a reference unless I am a finalist for the position." or "Please call me before contacting my current employer for a reference."

Carolyn H. Barrett, personnel director for the City of Salem, occasionally has an applicant with a similar statement in the cover letter. She honors such requests, as do other personnel directors.

Barrett has found that since "job hopping" has become more acceptable, employees have several former employers. A current employer may not need to be contacted at all. Your current employer will, Barrett advises, need to be contacted at some point if your work history is brief.

Barrett notes that if you're a strong candidate, the personnel director will contact all previous employers first and, if necessary, will then ask your permission to talk with your current employer.

At this point, Barrett suggests you ask if you are the top choice or one of a small number of finalists. If the top choice, and you'll be hired if your employer's recommendation is good, give permission. If you're among a small group of finalists, you can decide to either offer additional references and ask that your current employer not be contacted yet or give permission.

Fortunately, Barrett has found that your dilemma is rare; once you leave this position, you will probably not encounter it again.

Q: On the phone, I'm often called my given name by individuals I've never seen or expect to see. In person, I'm frequently called by my first name immediately after I've identified myself. This familiarity makes me uncomfortable.

A: Some individuals labor under the notion that using your first name creates friendship and helps them better serve you.

In Judith Martin's "Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium" (Pharos Books, 1989), such first-name familiarity is listed in the index under "first names, promiscuous use of."

Misguided friendliness is well-intentioned but inappropriate.

If you haven't invited someone to address you by your given name, that individual should use your title (Dr., Mr., Mrs., Ms.) and surname. Even having someone ask if you may be called by your first name is presumptive. Use of one's first name is a privilege reserved for family, friends and close associates; use beyond that is by your invitation only.

When you are called by your first name, respond with a friendly note in your voice and say, "Mr. Smith, I really prefer being called Mr. Jones." Make sure you state your title preference and name clearly, then continue the conversation.

Organizations which have developed a first-name approach have no idea how many clients have been offended. If they knew, they would reclaim the correct approach for addressing others - until invited to do otherwise.