Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, August 23, 1994 TAG: 9408270009
SECTION: WELCOME STUDENTS PAGE: 62 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
SOURCE: JO ANN UNDERWOOD SPECIAL TO THE ROANOKE TIMES & WORLD-NEWS
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
So many questions whirl through your mind when suddenly you are ``on your own''. The freedom of being at college, of making decisions for yourself, is terrific and terrifically terrifying.
Talking with students all across campus over the years about love and intimacy has given me some insight (hopefully) about what men and women really want out of life. While sex can be wonderful (sometimes), sex and love can be ecstatic. What else can make you want to sing, dance, run, and generally act loony?
The kind of sexual stuff fellows brag about doesn't really cut it. It usually isn't true, either. Men in the groups I have worked with say they want a companion, someone who cares, is trustworthy and romantic. They say all that dumb bragging about how much, how often, and how terrific is mainly for other guys.
So I say to all young men and women: Tell those men to think of something else to brag about. Like ``Hey, I was kind to old ladies and babies this week!'' Or ``I actually wrote a thank-you note to my folks.'' Or ``My QCA is over 2.5 for a change.''
Brag about anything - anything but sex, that is. Sex is too important to mess with these days. And if you have to brag about it, you are probably having trouble with it.
As I sit here looking at my beautiful grandchild, who is a charming 6 weeks old, I wonder what he will be like. Will he be able to show love and affection? So far, he is very good at it. I hope it lasts.
He is a beautiful being with pink fingers and toes like fine china. He is a miracle. We all are miracles (of course our fingers and toes are considerably bigger by now).
There are so many diseases, germs, mean people and other hazards around that we are lucky to be smiling and loving and able to count those pink fingers and toes.
Many of you say you hope for a gentle future. Great care needs to be given to your own nature and nurture. Don't let yourself be caught up in sexual misadventures that can keep all these things from happening.
Alcohol can really mess up your decisions, by the way. And give yourself time to decide the who, what and when of your love life.
Avoid HIV/AIDS, herpes, venereal warts, chlamydia and other worrisome consequences of careless love. It can't even be called love when you don't like him, her, or yourself enough to take good care of everyone involved. You don't want to expose your future and your dreams to these preventable diseases.
Talk about risks with your potential partner. If you can't discuss risks, you aren't ready for those risks. If you can't say the words, don't do the deeds. Make that a poster for your room. Coercive sex, unprotected sex and unwanted sex often can be prevented by a little honest conversation.
But just being a loving person of either gender can keep you out of trouble most of the time. No sex is safe. Love needs to be full of consideration, caring, sharing and trust. Am I loved? Am I wonderful? Is she/ he loved and wonderful too?
May you find someone who cares for you - and you for them - during these years. And if you want it, may you have a grandchild as wonderful as mine - someday.
For questions about sexuality or for an examination for problems call your Student Health Service or the local Health Department.
Jo Ann Underwood has been the health educator supervisor at Virginia Tech for 17 years. She will officially retire this year.
by CNB