Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, August 24, 1994 TAG: 9408240023
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Whenever politicians do that, they pass some laws that do very unfunny things to the general public. Like bankruptcy court or jumping off the Ingles Ferry bridge.
There is one thing clear about this health-care business: It is very confusing.
I think we badly need a number of experts on lawmaking who could explain to us - and most members of Congress - what is going on here.
We have the example of the way the networks and CNN use all of these lawyers to explain the O.J. Simpson case. I appreciate these people explaining it to me, but I have to wonder what their hourly rates are and why they seem to have no clients of their own.
Incidentally, I have an old fool's crush on Marcia Clark, the head prosecutor. This idiocy has nothing to do with our subject today and probably is repugnant to many discerning people, including my helpmate.
Anyway, C-SPAN could hire Lionel Bellwether, the director of a highly prestigious think tank on American medical legislation.
"And what will this provision now being debated do to the country, Lionel?"
"It seems to me that it eventually will require gallbladder patients to pay a tax that will be used to defray the expenses of heart transplant patients, who are generally thought to be a helluva lot sicker than some mallethead with a shot gallbladder."
"And what do you see as the probable reaction of the American public to this provision?"
"I think that a lot of yo-yos are going to avoid surgery as long as they can in order to avoid the tax and thus the mortality rate for gallbladders will go up a whole bunch."
"But if these gallbladder people delay surgery and then die before paying the tax, what will happen to the heart transplants?"
"I would say they won't be able to bear the costs and that many of them will be shoving off, if you catch my drift here."
"You really think Congress would pass a law that would do such terrible things?"
"You bet your deductible it would. There's a lot of confusion here, boobalah. For instance, few members of Congress know that another provision of this law would authorize euthanasia for old geezers over 70 who refuse gallbladder surgery."
"But that's inhuman and anti-American."
"Right, but look at the Medicare money you save."
by CNB